ABUSE....It is the misuse, excessive use or improper use of a person or object. So by this definition, even inanimate objects can be abused. For example, kicking, throwing, or smashing a video game system out of anger. But in terms of a person, abuse can come in so many different forms from the obvious physical abuse to emotional to verbal to sexual and even neglect. But in whatever form it comes, it's NEVER alright!!
I know in your mind you're thinking, of course it's not. Why is she telling us the obvious?! We all know that abuse is wrong. Well apparently, it's not obvious to a lot of people in this world because there are those who say they wouldn't accept it from another person and then there are also those who say they wouldn't do it to another person -- but both happen each day! It is estimated that there are 12 million cases of abuse in the U.S. each year. But this statistic is only tallying the REPORTED incidents of abuse and frankly is inaccurate because a lot of abuse cases go unreported for one reason or another.
In my life, I've seen a lot of abusive situations upclose regarding family, friends, children, and friends-of-friends. I've helped other people deal with the ramifications of these situations. But I'd never been in a situation where the abuse was directed at me. Until recently...when I became the victim of physical abuse. I didn't suffer any broken bones and of course no fatal injuries but I was left with contusions, bruises, and broken blood vessels in my eye for three weeks. I had to wear the shame of that incident everywhere I went as my body healed itself. I tried to hide it, gave co-workers other reasons for my eye being the way it was, and basically just tried to cope the best way I could. I had no choice, the damage was already done.
No, I wasn't in an on-going abusive relationship; I was a victim only once. No, I didn't provoke it or put my hands on him first, or do anything to cause the situation to happen. In the end, he claimed that alcohol and guilt were the reasons for what happened that night; although to me, those are excuses and truly not accepting responsibility for his actions. But be that as it may, this is all it took for me to realize that abuse can come from anyone, even those you least expect it from. And yes, it can happen to you. For me, it came from a boyfriend who I had been with for years. Who I'd known for 14 years. A man who I'd never suspect would cross that line. A man who I thought had been taught to never put his hands on a woman. A man who would hurt anyone who put their hands on his mother or sisters, so he'd never do anything like that to another woman. But all those things didn't matter because it happened. He did cross the line and he did hurt me. And as a result, I walked away from that relationship. I put all the years behind me and moved forward. It didn't take repeated incidents for me to walk away from this man who claimed to love me because my life means more to me than it obviously meant to him on the night that he put his hands on me. I LOVE ME and I love living, and I would never put myself in a situation where I'd allow this man to have the opportunity to cross the line again. My life is important! And although I've healed and forgiven him for what he did to me (because God teaches us to forgive), I will never forget that day and how it changed my life forever. I am thankful that God has blessed me to be a strong, financially stable woman with self-confidence and a complete understanding of my value and worth. If I didn't possess these qualities, who knows where I'd be right now. I am also just thankful for life and the ability to move past this situation because some people don't live to talk about their experience. Like everything else in my life, this is a learning experience for me and an opportunity to help others as a result of what I've gone through.
So, I'm writing this post for my own healing purposes but also to help anyone else out there that has experienced some form of abuse and just needs some encouraging words. I just want you to know that ONE TIME IS ONE TOO MANY. YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT. YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU CAN WALK AWAY. PLEASE KNOW YOUR VALUE AND UNDERSTAND YOUR WORTH. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU. ABUSE IN ANY FORM IS WRONG, WHETHER IT'S VERBAL, EMOTIONAL, SEXUAL, MENTAL OR PHYSICAL. IT'S NOT OKAY. YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH LOVE FOR YOURSELF TO CHANGE YOUR SITUATION, KNOW THAT GOD LOVES AND YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN TO HIM.
1.) National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) / http://www.thehotline.org
2.) Rape Abuse and Incest National Network - 1.800.656.HOPE (4673) / http://www.rainn.org
3.) National Center for Victims of Stalking - 1.800.FYI.CALL (394.2255)
4.) National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline - 1.866.331.9474 / http://www.loveisrespect.org
5.) Darkness to Light Hotline (Child Sexual Abuse) - 1.866.FOR.LIGHT (367.5444)
6.) Stop It Now! (Child Sexual Abuse) - 1.888.PREVENT
7.) Childhelp USA National Abuse Hotline - 1.800.4.A.CHILD (422.4453)
8.) National Center on Elder Abuse - 1.800.677.1116
9.) Call 911 of your local police
Outside of the U.S. there are also resources:
1.) American Domestic Violence Crisis Line - 1.866.USWOMEN (Contact a local operator to be connected) / Email: crisis@866women.org
Be blessed,
KHurly Girl
