Our Seasons

Greetings!  I haven't really felt inspired to blog in a while but I'm now realizing that a new season is upon me and I feel that it's time to start fresh. So, I'm revamping my blog to focus on giving back to other's through inspiration and encouragement. 

 

We all need to embrace the seasons in our lives, change, and transformation. To be better today than we were yesterday. Take an assessment of your life, accept the challenges in front of you, and adapt where needed. My goal is to help you to achieve this more effectively!

 



“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
- Maya Angelou

Be blessed!
Khurly Girl

How Deep Is Your Love?

Some people are quick to say they love another person or they are "in love" but a lot of those same people don't know what it really and truly means to love another. There are levels to this thing called love -- do you know how deep your love is? Let's explore......

1) Eros - Known as "erotic love." It is based on strong feelings toward another person. It usually occurs in the first stages of a "romantic" relationship.

This love is based more on physical traits. This is the type of love when a person says he/she has "fallen in love" for a woman/man, because "he/she looked like an angel. " Or a man/woman "falls in love" for a guy/girl because he/she is intelligent, has good 'genetics,' etc.

The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on "self-benefit." This is the, "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." The keyword is the word "ME." It's a selfish love.

When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving the other person, he/she is led to believe that he/she has "fallen out of love." When in actuality, there was never any "true love" in the first place. The fact is that the love has yet to establish itself; the people don't know each other well at this point.

Eros love is when two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another but they barely really know about each other's personalities. A person usually puts his/her best foot forward, showing only his/her good side -- I call this "meeting their representative." In order to be sure if "true love" exists, two people must know and accept each others' good and bad traits. You have to know and accept the good and the bad, to establish a true love bond.

Furthermore, they must experience a lot with each other, going through BOTH joys and sorrows, pains and pleasures, and still end up together. A lot of sacrifice towards each other is therefore essential to move past eros love.

Eros love is love that is untested by hardships, and therefore may or may not last in the long-term. It may or may not develop into a higher form of love - philos love. Eros love can only succeed in the long-term if it progresses into a higher form of love. Otherwise, it will not last.

The romantic feeling common in "eros love" is natural, and an important part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Romance also plays a role in strengthening the bonds, especially at the start of a relationship. What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be "real love" just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real.

Be careful also of being in love with the "concept of love" itself, rather than the love for the other person. Television, movies, and media have a way of "romanticizing" love so much, it is often hard to see reality from fiction.You must love a person for his/her uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of "being in love." Such a love is concerned more with the "self" rather than the partner. And relying purely on emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.

2) Philos - A love based on friendship between two people.

It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term. Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is  marriage, or a BF/GF, relationship betweeen family members, relationship with co-workers, employers, etc.

In the case of a romantic relationship, the advantage is that you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship beyond friendship.You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly develop strong emotions for the other until you both realize you miss each other more when you're apart. This type of love takes time and is patient.

This is in contrast to a romantic relationship that starts out by "eros love," meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. With eros love, strong emotions start almost immediately, some would even say "love at first sight," though you do not even know each other that well.

With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/their good side, everything is rosy, mushy, feelings of happiness, etc. But, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone.

Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take," where it's mutually beneficial for both people. One partner is still concerned with what he/she can take from the relationship, but at the same time they are also concerned with his/her partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.

Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit. Although like eros love, philos love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.

3) Agape - This is unconditional love. This is the third and highest type of love.

Agape love is above both philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit him/her in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love even without any self-benefit.

Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you. Or you take insults from your partner without firing back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend his/her ways. Or the "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child. Or the love we show for our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.

However, the highest type of agape love is not human at all, but divine - God's unconditional love for us, His children. God's love was shown to us the most when God sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ to his suffering and death on the cross for our salvation. There is no greater love than this. Jesus had no obligation to die for us, but He chose to. It is His gift, His ultimate gift. He chose to die for us because He knew what would happen to us, to all of mankind if He left us on our own. Without Jesus' death on the cross, mankind is doomed to eternal damnation.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a perfect description for agape love: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." This is one of my favorite scriptures and a true testament to the love we should all show to each other.

In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual." Thus, love is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual. And each of these three elements are all necessary in our lives to grow, develop, and to love one another as human beings. Keep love alive, people!! :-)

KHurly Girl

The Great Pretenders with Envious Eyes on the Realist

In this life, there are two types of people – the Realist and the Pretenders. 

The Pretenders walk this Earth trying to be something that they are not, imitating things that they see and people around them.  They pretend that their lives are much grander than they ultimately are.  They brag about things to make themselves feel better, when all the while they are simply insecure about themselves.  They feel that if they don’t attain a certain position in life, a certain amount of money, certain material things, or even a certain person – that life just isn’t right.  They have a hard time accepting the hand that “real life” has dealt them, so they attempt to create a surreal existence where they are untouchable to the many things that affect us all.  They TRY to present an outer “beauty” to the world but this is simply so that people don’t peer too deeply into their inner-being and see just how ugly they truly are.  They are liars, manipulators, fake “friends,” low self-esteem having, poor excuse totting members of the human race -- overall, they are misled people.  They are not afraid to attempt to derail another person that is close to them for their own personal gain or for no reason at all except pure jealousy.  They pretend that the sometimes harsh reality of life doesn’t affect them, they attempt to appear bigger and better than the experiences we all go through in life.  They don’t realize that God has put these “bumps” in our pathway so that we can grow, adapt, and change into better human beings.  In the end, the Pretenders are also the losers in this life because what they fail to realize is that things done in the dark always come to light and that eventually the “ugly” inner-being WILL show through.  Those material things that they have attained may cost a lot but they honestly hold little real value.  Their outer beauty will fade or could be taken away in an instant.  And for my Pretender women, when the weave comes out, the roots grow out, the makeup comes off, and you’re stripped of your label-whore ways and other material things – you’re just as God made you!  Which of course can't be bad; but of course maybe it isn’t too attractive either (LOL), get over it and stop being jealous of others. 

The Realist walk this Earth knowing that life isn’t perfect and that sometimes they are thrown curveballs.  They realize that they may not be where they want to be in life but until life is over, they have time to make the necessary moves to get where they want and need to be.  They don’t brag because they know that what they have is not only through their works but most importantly the result of God working in their lives.  They understand that their true value is not a representation of any material thing they may possess. They know that no matter how much money they make, it will never give them happiness or peace because that comes from within; although, this doesn’t keep them from striving to be the best person they can be or from attaining wealth.  They roll with the punches that life has dealt them.  They know that inner beauty is what keeps people in your lives and that outer beauty will certainly fade.  They value their friendships and are true friends, dependable people, and trustworthy in nature.  No, they aren’t perfect and they most certainly have made some mistakes in life but their existence is not based on pettiness or competition because they realize that their true purpose is to learn and to grow. They know that life can be challenging at times but they are not here to put others down as they move upwards, they are not even here to be concerned about what the next person is doing at all – they are here to learn from their mistakes and from others, and to teach those around them, in an effort to enlighten the masses and those intertwined with their life purpose.  In the end, the Realists are the winners in life because they choose to live in the light and seek to remove themselves from situations that reflect the dark.  Realists are true light seekers by nature because the light represents truth and purity in a world that sometimes seems corrupted by those that choose to seek darkness.   Realist women know that no amount of weave, makeup, or material things will make her a better person than anyone else – she knows that her inner-beauty and character are the true defining traits that set her apart from others.  She knows that God has defined a purpose and plan for her life and there is no reason to be jealous of anyone or anything.

Some of you have chosen to walk the path of the Pretender while others choose to be the Realist, while others walk the fine line somewhere in between.  Just know there are consequences to every action – and whether there is action or no action, there will still be a reaction!  Sleep on it and choose your path wisely…

Thanks for reading…… J

KHurly Girl