Our Seasons

Greetings!  I haven't really felt inspired to blog in a while but I'm now realizing that a new season is upon me and I feel that it's time to start fresh. So, I'm revamping my blog to focus on giving back to other's through inspiration and encouragement. 

 

We all need to embrace the seasons in our lives, change, and transformation. To be better today than we were yesterday. Take an assessment of your life, accept the challenges in front of you, and adapt where needed. My goal is to help you to achieve this more effectively!

 



“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
- Maya Angelou

Be blessed!
Khurly Girl

Daily Inspiration: God's Timing

Be careful about rushing God's timing because you never know WHO or WHAT He is protecting you or saving you from. As a result of our challenges and experiences, we try to put limits and timelines on God's plan for our lives. We grow impatient and take matters into our own hands, and often find ourselves trying to rush God's process. In some cases, we don't even consult God first before making a move. But we have to realize that every situation is working together for our good and we must learn to rely on FAITH in God and not through our beliefs and experiences. Walk by FAITH, not by SIGHT.


"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."


In order to move forward, we have to learn how to let go of our past beliefs and trust God to train us through His Word. We should not lean to our own understanding, because when we do we ultimately rush the process and His timing.


Have a wonderful day!
Khurly Girl

New Year, New You

Happy New Year!!! I love the newness and freshness that a new year brings! Of course each day is a chance to start fresh but a new year is an opportunity to really capitalize on making changes in your life. For me, 2012 was a bit of a ride to say the least and I looked towards 2013 with a sense of renewal. I never go into the new year with "New Year Resolutions" but I do try to focus on certain goals for the year. One of my goals this year was a healthier lifestyle and weightloss -- and I'm proud to say that I've stuck with it!

As the month closes out, to date I've lost 11.8 lbs. Now this is just a fraction of weight in terms of my ultimate goal but it's progress that I'm certainly excited about. I'm typically one of those people who is really focused on exercising and not eating as strictly as I should OR I'm not working out a lot and on some type of "diet." But I know that healthy weightloss requires both exercise and good eating habits.  I'm not going to lie, I love food! I'm a serious foodie! LOL, but I know that I have to focus on making better, healthier food choices 99% of the time and enjoy a bit of "cheating" only about 1% of the time. And because weightloss is 80/20 (food/exercise), I know that if I don't get that in check I will never reach my goal, especially since I've tried almost every diet out there. I've done Veggie Protein shakes, Weight Watchers, Atkins/South Beach, Herbalife, Slimfast, and prescription diet pills -- and with all of them I've had success. But I've always gotten to a point where I got comfortable with the fact that the weight was coming off and resorted back to old, bad habits. So, I never reached my overall goal. This time I wanted things to be different and that would only come as a result of a lifestyle change. So, I got some information from a nutritionist who said to start eating only protein, vegetables, and fruit -- no carbs (bread, rice, potatoes, pasta), no sugar, no alcohol, no dairy -- essentially a low fat, low carb diet. So far I've stuck to the no carbs or sugar guidelines but I have had some alcohol and added in small amounts of cheese. The nutritionist also stated that I should focus on light cardio during this time but not to add in any strenuous workouts until I've reached my target weight. So, the last 2 weeks I've added in some low impact cardio about 3-4 times a week. I've also increased my water intake. Previously, I'd already been a serious water drinker, no soda, no coffee, occassional tea, getting in about 8-10 cups per day. But now I've increased my intake to 14-16 cups per day. Also, once I hit my target weight, I plan to increase the insensity of my workouts and I will also slowly start to add back carbs. The nutritionist stated that when adding back the carbs, you should only add one type of carb per week so that you can see the effect it has on your body. But I do realize though that simple carbs need to play a very minor role in my diet going forward. I typically ate whole grain pasta and brown rice but my downfall has always been bread. I'd try to eat as much whole grain breads as possible but I still loved refined white breads. So, my goal will be to eat very little bread, focus on whole grain products, sweet potatoes in place of white potatoes, and much smaller portions of any carb. Overall, I feel good and I'm looking better physically, and my goal is insight! So, I'll make sure to keep you all posted with before and after pics!

Now that I've told you about one of my goals for the year -- What's your goal for the year? Have you outlined a plan to reach it? Do you have a target date for meeting your goal? Have you made progress against your goal? If you're not making any strides, let's get things in gear and get focused!! One month down and 11 more to go......... :-)

Until Next Time,
KHurly Girl

It Happens Every Day...

ABUSE....It is the misuse, excessive use or improper use of a person or object. So by this definition, even inanimate objects can be abused.  For example, kicking, throwing, or smashing a video game system out of anger.  But in terms of a person, abuse can come in so many different forms from the obvious physical abuse to emotional to verbal to sexual and even neglect. But in whatever form it comes, it's NEVER alright!!

I know in your mind you're thinking, of course it's not. Why is she telling us the obvious?! We all know that abuse is wrong. Well apparently, it's not obvious to a lot of people in this world because there are those who say they wouldn't accept it from another person and then there are also those who say they wouldn't do it to another person -- but both happen each day!  It is estimated that there are 12 million cases of abuse in the U.S. each year. But this statistic is only tallying the REPORTED incidents of abuse and frankly is inaccurate because a lot of abuse cases go unreported for one reason or another.

In my life, I've seen a lot of abusive situations upclose regarding family, friends, children, and friends-of-friends. I've helped other people deal with the ramifications of these situations. But I'd never been in a situation where the abuse was directed at me.  Until recently...when I became the victim of physical abuse. I didn't suffer any broken bones and of course no fatal injuries but I was left with contusions, bruises, and broken blood vessels in my eye for three weeks. I had to wear the shame of that incident everywhere I went as my body healed itself. I tried to hide it, gave co-workers other reasons for my eye being the way it was, and basically just tried to cope the best way I could. I had no choice, the damage was already done.

No, I wasn't in an on-going abusive relationship; I was a victim only once. No, I didn't provoke it or put my hands on him first, or do anything to cause the situation to happen. In the end, he claimed that alcohol and guilt were the reasons for what happened that night; although to me, those are excuses and truly not accepting responsibility for his actions. But be that as it may, this is all it took for me to realize that abuse can come from anyone, even those you least expect it from. And yes, it can happen to you.  For me, it came from a boyfriend who I had been with for years. Who I'd known for 14 years. A man who I'd never suspect would cross that line. A man who I thought had been taught to never put his hands on a woman. A man who would hurt anyone who put their hands on his mother or sisters, so he'd never do anything like that to another woman.  But all those things didn't matter because it happened.  He did cross the line and he did hurt me. And as a result, I walked away from that relationship. I put all the years behind me and moved forward.  It didn't take repeated incidents for me to walk away from this man who claimed to love me because my life means more to me than it obviously meant to him on the night that he put his hands on me. I LOVE ME and I love living, and I would never put myself in a situation where I'd allow this man to have the opportunity to cross the line again. My life is important! And although I've healed and forgiven him for what he did to me (because God teaches us to forgive), I will never forget that day and how it changed my life forever. I am thankful that God has blessed me to be a strong, financially stable woman with self-confidence and a complete understanding of my value and worth.  If I didn't possess these qualities, who knows where I'd be right now. I am also just thankful for life and the ability to move past this situation because some people don't live to talk about their experience. Like everything else in my life, this is a learning experience for me and an opportunity to help others as a result of what I've gone through.

So, I'm writing this post for my own healing purposes but also to help anyone else out there that has experienced some form of abuse and just needs some encouraging words. I just want you to know that ONE TIME IS ONE TOO MANY. YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT. YOU ARE SPECIAL. YOU CAN WALK AWAY. PLEASE KNOW YOUR VALUE AND UNDERSTAND YOUR WORTH. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU. ABUSE IN ANY FORM IS WRONG, WHETHER IT'S VERBAL, EMOTIONAL, SEXUAL, MENTAL OR PHYSICAL. IT'S NOT OKAY. YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH LOVE FOR YOURSELF TO CHANGE YOUR SITUATION, KNOW THAT GOD LOVES AND YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN TO HIM. 

If you have been the victim of abuse and need help, here is some helpful information:

1.) National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) / http://www.thehotline.org

2.) Rape Abuse and Incest National Network - 1.800.656.HOPE (4673) / http://www.rainn.org

3.) National Center for Victims of Stalking - 1.800.FYI.CALL (394.2255)

4.) National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline - 1.866.331.9474 / http://www.loveisrespect.org

5.) Darkness to Light Hotline (Child Sexual Abuse) - 1.866.FOR.LIGHT (367.5444)

6.) Stop It Now! (Child Sexual Abuse) - 1.888.PREVENT

7.) Childhelp USA National Abuse Hotline - 1.800.4.A.CHILD (422.4453)

8.) National Center on Elder Abuse - 1.800.677.1116

9.) Call 911 of your local police

Outside of the U.S. there are also resources:

1.) American Domestic Violence Crisis Line - 1.866.USWOMEN (Contact a local operator to be connected) / Email: crisis@866women.org

Be blessed,

KHurly Girl

How Deep Is Your Love?

Some people are quick to say they love another person or they are "in love" but a lot of those same people don't know what it really and truly means to love another. There are levels to this thing called love -- do you know how deep your love is? Let's explore......

1) Eros - Known as "erotic love." It is based on strong feelings toward another person. It usually occurs in the first stages of a "romantic" relationship.

This love is based more on physical traits. This is the type of love when a person says he/she has "fallen in love" for a woman/man, because "he/she looked like an angel. " Or a man/woman "falls in love" for a guy/girl because he/she is intelligent, has good 'genetics,' etc.

The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on "self-benefit." This is the, "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." The keyword is the word "ME." It's a selfish love.

When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving the other person, he/she is led to believe that he/she has "fallen out of love." When in actuality, there was never any "true love" in the first place. The fact is that the love has yet to establish itself; the people don't know each other well at this point.

Eros love is when two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another but they barely really know about each other's personalities. A person usually puts his/her best foot forward, showing only his/her good side -- I call this "meeting their representative." In order to be sure if "true love" exists, two people must know and accept each others' good and bad traits. You have to know and accept the good and the bad, to establish a true love bond.

Furthermore, they must experience a lot with each other, going through BOTH joys and sorrows, pains and pleasures, and still end up together. A lot of sacrifice towards each other is therefore essential to move past eros love.

Eros love is love that is untested by hardships, and therefore may or may not last in the long-term. It may or may not develop into a higher form of love - philos love. Eros love can only succeed in the long-term if it progresses into a higher form of love. Otherwise, it will not last.

The romantic feeling common in "eros love" is natural, and an important part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Romance also plays a role in strengthening the bonds, especially at the start of a relationship. What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be "real love" just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real.

Be careful also of being in love with the "concept of love" itself, rather than the love for the other person. Television, movies, and media have a way of "romanticizing" love so much, it is often hard to see reality from fiction.You must love a person for his/her uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of "being in love." Such a love is concerned more with the "self" rather than the partner. And relying purely on emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.

2) Philos - A love based on friendship between two people.

It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term. Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is  marriage, or a BF/GF, relationship betweeen family members, relationship with co-workers, employers, etc.

In the case of a romantic relationship, the advantage is that you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship beyond friendship.You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly develop strong emotions for the other until you both realize you miss each other more when you're apart. This type of love takes time and is patient.

This is in contrast to a romantic relationship that starts out by "eros love," meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. With eros love, strong emotions start almost immediately, some would even say "love at first sight," though you do not even know each other that well.

With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/their good side, everything is rosy, mushy, feelings of happiness, etc. But, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone.

Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take," where it's mutually beneficial for both people. One partner is still concerned with what he/she can take from the relationship, but at the same time they are also concerned with his/her partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.

Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit. Although like eros love, philos love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.

3) Agape - This is unconditional love. This is the third and highest type of love.

Agape love is above both philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit him/her in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love even without any self-benefit.

Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you. Or you take insults from your partner without firing back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend his/her ways. Or the "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child. Or the love we show for our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.

However, the highest type of agape love is not human at all, but divine - God's unconditional love for us, His children. God's love was shown to us the most when God sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ to his suffering and death on the cross for our salvation. There is no greater love than this. Jesus had no obligation to die for us, but He chose to. It is His gift, His ultimate gift. He chose to die for us because He knew what would happen to us, to all of mankind if He left us on our own. Without Jesus' death on the cross, mankind is doomed to eternal damnation.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a perfect description for agape love: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." This is one of my favorite scriptures and a true testament to the love we should all show to each other.

In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual." Thus, love is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual. And each of these three elements are all necessary in our lives to grow, develop, and to love one another as human beings. Keep love alive, people!! :-)

KHurly Girl

Follow Your Heart

This is an outstanding article!  If you say you've never been in this position at some point in your life, then you're lying to yourself.  We've all been there and let some type of "dream" pass us by. But in the end, we owe it to ourselves to follow our hearts.  And I truly believe that if people followed their hearts more often, the world could actually be a happier place for the masses! :-)

What Really Happens When You Don’t Follow Your Heart « Thought Catalog

10 Signs He Is In Love With You

Great article to check out! I agree with it but I'd also add that he should make you a top priority in his life. And your priority in his life should be evident not only through his words but also in his actions.....But let's not forget God is FIRST priority! ;-)

http://shymagazine.com/shy/10-signs-he-is-in-love-with-you.html

At This Moment

A cloud gracefully glides across the blue sky…A bird chirps a lovely hymn…The grass sways with the wind…The rain pelts the roof like hands to a drum…At this moment, life is moving!  Your son/daughter is screaming your name because they want a bit of attention from you...Your partner rubs your back gently trying to show affection…A family member says “I love you” at the end of a conversation...God is whispering to you through that still small voice...Yes, all of this is happening at this VERY moment!  And guess what!? You didn’t even notice.  *tsk tsk*

But in all honesty, it makes no sense that you’re not enjoying this moment.  Why? Well, we aren’t promised tomorrow – who promised you tomorrow!?  You ask yourself, how can this be?  Of course I pay attention to X, Y, and Z.  But you don’t and the end result is that life is passing you by! 

You’re too busy, too moody, too angry, too stressed, too consumed in your thoughts and activities, too confused by the actions of others, and/or just too oblivious to it all -- to see all of these things right in front of your very own eyes. You’re living for yesterday or you’re living for tomorrow but you’re certainly NOT living for today. You are not living in the moment, this moment. You’re not taking advantage of what this moment has to offer.  Are you living up to your own abilities and fulfilling your dreams in this moment? Are you being truthful to yourself and what your purpose is in this life?

Simply put, today is all you have and all you have is THIS VERY MOMENT!  Enjoy it.  Cherish it.  Relish in it.  Because this very well could be your LAST moment…Take a moment to check out this video and remember to "Life, Laugh, Love" each day!

Coincidence or Not??

<= A few weeks ago I got a fortune cookie that read this -- see pic.  Now, I didn't ponder over it too long the day I saw it but since then it's been laying on my desk at work, and the "whole coincidence or not" concept has been on my mind.  The thought itself was interesting to me because in general I'm one of those people who believe things don't really happen by chance and coincidences don't really exist -- primarily a fatalism viewpoint.  But as I pondered those 3 words on the small slip of paper from my fortune cookie, I couldn't help but to think that maybe some things are just coincidences. But as I let that thought sink in a bit, it felt almost contrary to everything I stand for and believe in, it was a totally taboo thought!! Ok, maybe that's a little extreme (LOL) but honestly, it's a challenging thought for me to grasp because at the heart of me I'm an everything-happens-for-a-reason type of chick.  Although I do understand that "there are NO coincidences" is probably also a challenge for others; I've never really sat down to discuss what "others" around me think about this topic.  Overall, it really made me start feeling like there may be some gray areas in my thought process.  So, I did some research on the topic.

When polling friends about the subject, one quoted, "Coincidences are miracles that man doesn't give God credit for." For me, this is a ridiculously powerful quote.  And for other believers in God and His role in our lives, it makes perfect sense.  But at the same time, it's a quote and an opinion.  Therefore, either you agree or you don't but it offers no scientific proof if you're one of those types of people who need "evidence."  But many scientists have developed theoretical explanations on how events happen to repeatedly coincide through the use of statistics, physics, and other postulates -- so there is some supporting evidence to go along with the idea that coincidences are very probable. Although the types of coincidences used in these scientific calculations could be very mundane and not the otherwordly experiences and happenings that I'm thinking about when I say "there are no coincidences."  On the other hand, spiritual teachers insist that there are absolutely no coincidences in the world.  Everything that occurs can be related to prior cause or association, no matter how vast or how minute and trivial.  All is affected by something related to it that is seen or unseen, cognized or unknowable.  So I'd say that it seems in essence that those who base their thoughts in spirituality always tend to lean towards -- no coincidences. And those that base their sights on scientific findings feel that coincidences are in fact a part of life.  But haven't we all had some seemingly eerie incident happen to us at one point or another in our lives that reinforced the thought that coincidences simply don't exist?  I know I have!! :-)

So, where do you stand in this debate -- Are there coincidences? Are coincidences non-existent? Or are you somewhere in the middle?  If nothing at all, it certainly makes you think.

Later!
KHurly Girl

I Am....

So, I can't believe it's been over a month since I posted on here but that seems to happen to me every so often when I get caught up in the rat race of life.  I've had so much going on lately and it's finally winding down and I had a second to breath.  So, I was thinking about why I blog in the first place and this is what I came up with...Take a look!

I am what I say I am...A thinker...A creator...A friend...A partner...A provider...A child of God...A lover of all things good...A feeler...A critic...And why is all of that relative or important?  Because all those experiences and "things" are what I build from to create my posts on this site.  This blog allows me to express myself in ways that may not always be available through other means. It allows me to be creative and to use my God given talent as a writer.  I was never trained to be a "writer" and don't really even like to think of myself as one; I'm just a young woman who loves to use her writings as a form of expression on a blog that she created. I've always loved to write short stories and other things that allowed me to be creative, and I've also always been told that I was good at it. So, why not do it as a hobby and contribute to the piece of society that finds my viewpoint to be interesting? Exactly, that's why I do it! *shrug* LOL. 

Anyhow, I was reading a post on a friend's blog the other day and that's what sparked my thoughts on how much I love to blog, and how empowering it can be to read the thoughts and opinions of others at times, from the perspective of their blog.  Most people who get online and write about their experiences, revelations, thoughts, opinions, etc. are not paid to do this and if they are they may not make much from it -- they do it because they love to do it, it's a venue for self-expression, and an outlet for the creativity that lies within them.  They do it because it feels good to tells others your "story" in whatever way you feel like expressing it. You have free reign to do and say whatever you please to captivate an audience and express whatever it is you want to say. And I JUST LOVE IT!

So, if you know of any blogs that you love to read, including this one of course (LOL), go out and tell a friend about the site -- spread the word to friends, family, and colleagues. Leave comments to support that person and/or give them constructive criticism, if you feel the need. Agree, disagree, something, and/or anything on their posts just to let them know that you came, you saw, and that you had a feeling one way or another!  As a blogger, I know it's always nice to hear SOMETHING in return and at times it helps to improve the site. Anyhow, just a few of my thoughts today....Later!  :-) 

KHurly Girl

Itchy Scalp and Skin? Look at the Preservatives

Itchy Scalp and Skin? Look at the Preservatives

"LOOOOOVE"

Just thought I'd share a little melody with you all today about L-O-V-E...We'd be nothing without the emotion attached to that 4 letter word!  See below for the smoove sounds of Musiq Soulchild singing his hit song, "Love" as well as the lyrics...Enjoy!!!  :-)

"Love" by Musiq Soulchild
[Verse 1:]
Love
So many things I've got to tell you
But I'm afraid I don't know how
Cause there's a possibility
You'll look at me differently
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change cause......

[Hook:]
Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

[Verse 2:]
Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your kiss, for your touch, for your essence (your beautiful essence)
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubt or no fears
Or no questions

[Hook:]
At first you didn't mean that much to me
But now I know that you're all I need
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
Everyday I live for you
And everything that I do I do it for you
What I say is how I feel so believe it's true
You got to know I'm true, love

Choose the Right Hair Products: Find Your Hair Porosity and Density

It's important when developing healthy hair habits to find the right products for your hair. But in finding the right products, you need to understand YOUR HAIR. This article outlines good tips for finding out the porosity and density of your hair, which in turn can aid you in buying products that are better suited for your hair type. Take a look!

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: How to Find Your Hair Porosity and Density: by Jessica Mousseau via NaturallyCurly.com

My Day Was "Adjusted"



source



So, the other day I was scheduled to attend a mandatory training session at work.  My office is located in another building that is driving distance away from where the training was being held, so I needed to make sure I left on time to be there before it started.  My morning was pretty busy that day but I was able to stop what I was doing to make it out of the office with ample time to get to the training session.  Before I left my building for the training, I decided to stop past the restroom so I wouldn’t have to go once I got there (I'm a serious water drinker...Enough said...LOL).  But with that said, I still had plenty of time to spare so it was all good.  So, I left my building, jumped in my car, and drove to the training location.  I pulled my keys out of the ignition and realized that I left my notebook sitting on the shelf in the restroom in my office building.  I checked my watch and felt like I had enough time to race back to the building, grab my notebook, and get back over to the training session.  I get to my office building, run inside to the restroom, and my notebook is sitting right where I left it.  I grabbed it, checked my watch again, and pondered for a quick second if I could make it back over to the session in time or if I should reschedule.  I determined that I would head back over to the training session, I had enough time, so why reschedule at this point after all of this running around.  I get back to the building where the training is being held, checked my watch yet another time before I hopped out of the car, and headed towards the building.  I’m about 5 minutes late according to my watch, which is very accurate I might add, so I decided that I’d rather be a little late instead of not going at all and I proceed into the building.  I step inside the building, walk towards the interior door that leads to the training room, and I’m stopped by a woman.  She tells me that the class has already begun and that the trainer is already about 10 minutes into the session and that I’ll have to reschedule.  Her timing was completely off and I was pissed but I simply said, “Ok” and walked back out of the building.

I mean, AFTER ALL OF THAT I STILL MISSED THE TRAINING ANYHOW!!  “What a blower” is all I could think…LOL.  And for a second, I was quite annoyed that I made all of that effort to attend the training and still ended up having to reschedule.  But then I started thinking about how things like this happen in life all the time.  And I realized that it’s alright, life goes on, and maybe I wasn’t supposed to be at that training session anyhow for whatever reason.  After all, I do feel that certain things in life happen for a reason.  J

So, I got to thinking…At times, even your greatest efforts do not yield the results you want.  Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be as you planned, and that’s okay.  Sometimes certain things that you feel are exactly what you want and need in your life are exactly what you DON’T need in your life.  Sometimes things that you feel are not in line with your life plan happen and you don’t agree with them, you fight against them, you choose not to embrace them, but it’s exactly what He (read: God) wants for your life.  Sometimes He will take you down roads that you’d rather not travel but it’s for your own good and should be received as a learning experience.  It’s beneficial to your overall growth and understanding, for your character building, for your soul, and ultimately for your life.  So, when things don’t go your way at times – get over the initial frustration, let the negative thoughts fade away, and embrace the positive aspects of the situation.  I know it's been a saving grace for me at times, to embrace this attitude, and I can guarantee you that about 87.925% of the time you’ll be glad you did as well! 

Until next time…

KHurly Girl

Summer's Coming to an End!!

Well, it had to happen sooner or later -- summer is officially whinding down! August is closing it's doors as of today...School is resuming across the US...It's getting cooler in the evenings...The sun is hiding itself from us a little earlier everyday...Fun in the sun is soon to be a part of the past because leaves will soon be on the ground.  It can all be sort of depressing, can't it?!  Just a little bit?!....LOL, nawwww, not really unless you've been diagnosed with Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD)!  But seriously, we go through it every year of our lives so we should be adjusted to it by now.  It's a part of life! 

But this time of year should make you think about the transitions in our lives that we deal with regularly in almost every aspect. Every year we're forced to go through the seasonal changes, not by choice but by circumstance, because that's just the way life goes and the way God created this world to be.  And as a result, it brings about periods of reflection and prompts change. Or at least it should to an extent...LOL.  This should be the time that you sit back, think about the last few months and reflect, and plan for this next phase and/or next chapter in your life. It could even be something special that forces you to focus on the transitions like a relationship, child, job, or even those 5 lbs you gained from being with that new man or woman. LOL. Whatever the reason, now is the time...Use it to your advantage!  And keep in mind that every change, transition, etc. has a beauty of it's own.  Fall, in particular, is a beautiful time of the year. All of the colors...The beginning preparation of the land for rebirth in the spring...Fall clothing!!  I mean, the clothing is enough for me, I love fall...LOL.  But I digress, haha.  Just know that this is the time of the year to use as a marker for your life -- embrace the changes of the season and apply it to your life!  I wrote another blog that was a little similar a few months back called "Life is for the Birds"...Take a look it as well if you have time!

Anyhow....So long summer, we will miss you... :-)  And remember, "It's not important where we stand, but in what direction we are headed."

Until next time!!

KHurly Girl

The Great Pretenders with Envious Eyes on the Realist

In this life, there are two types of people – the Realist and the Pretenders. 

The Pretenders walk this Earth trying to be something that they are not, imitating things that they see and people around them.  They pretend that their lives are much grander than they ultimately are.  They brag about things to make themselves feel better, when all the while they are simply insecure about themselves.  They feel that if they don’t attain a certain position in life, a certain amount of money, certain material things, or even a certain person – that life just isn’t right.  They have a hard time accepting the hand that “real life” has dealt them, so they attempt to create a surreal existence where they are untouchable to the many things that affect us all.  They TRY to present an outer “beauty” to the world but this is simply so that people don’t peer too deeply into their inner-being and see just how ugly they truly are.  They are liars, manipulators, fake “friends,” low self-esteem having, poor excuse totting members of the human race -- overall, they are misled people.  They are not afraid to attempt to derail another person that is close to them for their own personal gain or for no reason at all except pure jealousy.  They pretend that the sometimes harsh reality of life doesn’t affect them, they attempt to appear bigger and better than the experiences we all go through in life.  They don’t realize that God has put these “bumps” in our pathway so that we can grow, adapt, and change into better human beings.  In the end, the Pretenders are also the losers in this life because what they fail to realize is that things done in the dark always come to light and that eventually the “ugly” inner-being WILL show through.  Those material things that they have attained may cost a lot but they honestly hold little real value.  Their outer beauty will fade or could be taken away in an instant.  And for my Pretender women, when the weave comes out, the roots grow out, the makeup comes off, and you’re stripped of your label-whore ways and other material things – you’re just as God made you!  Which of course can't be bad; but of course maybe it isn’t too attractive either (LOL), get over it and stop being jealous of others. 

The Realist walk this Earth knowing that life isn’t perfect and that sometimes they are thrown curveballs.  They realize that they may not be where they want to be in life but until life is over, they have time to make the necessary moves to get where they want and need to be.  They don’t brag because they know that what they have is not only through their works but most importantly the result of God working in their lives.  They understand that their true value is not a representation of any material thing they may possess. They know that no matter how much money they make, it will never give them happiness or peace because that comes from within; although, this doesn’t keep them from striving to be the best person they can be or from attaining wealth.  They roll with the punches that life has dealt them.  They know that inner beauty is what keeps people in your lives and that outer beauty will certainly fade.  They value their friendships and are true friends, dependable people, and trustworthy in nature.  No, they aren’t perfect and they most certainly have made some mistakes in life but their existence is not based on pettiness or competition because they realize that their true purpose is to learn and to grow. They know that life can be challenging at times but they are not here to put others down as they move upwards, they are not even here to be concerned about what the next person is doing at all – they are here to learn from their mistakes and from others, and to teach those around them, in an effort to enlighten the masses and those intertwined with their life purpose.  In the end, the Realists are the winners in life because they choose to live in the light and seek to remove themselves from situations that reflect the dark.  Realists are true light seekers by nature because the light represents truth and purity in a world that sometimes seems corrupted by those that choose to seek darkness.   Realist women know that no amount of weave, makeup, or material things will make her a better person than anyone else – she knows that her inner-beauty and character are the true defining traits that set her apart from others.  She knows that God has defined a purpose and plan for her life and there is no reason to be jealous of anyone or anything.

Some of you have chosen to walk the path of the Pretender while others choose to be the Realist, while others walk the fine line somewhere in between.  Just know there are consequences to every action – and whether there is action or no action, there will still be a reaction!  Sleep on it and choose your path wisely…

Thanks for reading…… J

KHurly Girl

        

Keep It Moving...

I recently moved and let me tell you -- moving is one of my LEAST favorite things to do in this world!  But of course moving has it's positives also because it's a new beginning in uncharted waters.  It's a fresh start!  It's a chance to organize and/or re-organize so that you can get your home in some type of order. And in my case, I am exceedingly blessed to have had my mom by my side along the way to help me out...Ok, who am I kidding...LOL. My mom did not just "help" me out; she is the ONLY reason that I was able to pull this move off without a hitch and I am so thankful for all of her help! 

So, enough about my move...Let's get down to business!  Basically, the physical act of moving made me think about its relationship to life.  In life, there are times when you need to pack up the past in preparation for changes in your present so that you can move into the future. In order to prepare for your move, you need to dust off those pieces of "furniture" and other household items to see what exactly you want to take with you into the future and what you want to leave throw away and/or donate -- Read: PEOPLE. Next, you need to sort through the "papers and other things" to figure out what's important -- Read: ISSUES and SITUATIONS.  Then, you have to coordinate with "movers" to figure out the cost of the move and if the time you have in mind is a viable option -- Read: GOD and PRAYER.  You also need to pack up everything and prepare it to go with you on this journey into the future, making sure that you've got all of the fragile and important items sorted through and you have enough boxes to hold your things -- Read: A CLEAR MIND, FOCUS, and THE STRENGTH TO MOVE FORWARD. Each of these steps are part of your "move" and are components necessary to assess your present situation in regard to your future and it's success.  All in all, these moments are precious and extrememly important so that you can truly determine what aspects of your life need some fine tuning and what items need to be removed from your life. Think about it and take the time to prepare for that "move"...Trust me, you'll thank yourself later! ;-)

- KHurly Girl

The Space Between Monogamy and Cheating

Some would say that humans aren't monogamous creatures...and I, at times, have agreed with this point. Matter of fact, I'm sure that I not only agreed but also stated it as a fact and argued it with others as the truth! LOL. But today, my views have changed a bit. I still do believe that humans have to make a conscious effort to be with one person in a monogamous relationship. But at the same time, I feel that we are programmed to want to couple with another person. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that monogamy is more than a temporary "coupling," which is why I still think that it's a constant, conscious effort to be in a monogamous relationship and not as natural as some might believe.

Then there are some people who will argue that women are more monogamous because we carry the offspring for 9 months, so our bodies aren't meant to be with multiple men. While on the other hand, men could theoretically produce a few children each day with multiple women well into their golden years. This could very well be scientific proof to explain why we aren't built to be monogamous creatures but I'll save that as a topic for another day....LOL

This article, The Space Between Monogamy and Cheating Love & Sex GalTime, explores the reality in relationships that sometimes there isn't a clear line between monogamy and cheating. Sometimes people build strong relationships around a certain "middle ground," although the concept is often frowned upon for various reasons. Read it for yourself and you decide! Then, ask yourself -- are humans really monogamous creatures or are we just "pretending" to enjoy being with one person? What do YOU think?

- KHurly Girl

The Five Love Languages -- Which One Are You?

If you've ever felt like your mate wasn't expressing their love to you the way you needed to hear/feel it or the way that they expressed their love for you was different than your own...I may have the solution to your problem!  Take a look at the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. It is a wonderful book, an easy read, and could prove to be an important staple in your relationship!

This book outlines the five primary emotional love languages that each person speaks.  Very often, when we speak our primary love language, we're confused when our partner does not understand what we are communicating because it comes across as foreign to them.  This book helps you to discover your primary love language as well as your partners so that you can apply certain ideas to improve your relationship.

The five love languages are: 1.) Words of Affirmation, 2.) Quality Time, 3.) Receiving Gifts, 4.) Acts of Service, and 5.) Physical Touch.  Now, I'm not going to give you too much detail on the five languages, so please take a look for yourself.  But I will tell you that after reading the book, I discovered that my primary love language was "Quality Time." It was obvious to me that this has always been key in my relationships and the thing that I complain about the most if I'm not receiving enough of it.  I also discovered that I had a secondary love language which is "Physical Touch" because affection and intimacy are very important to me during the quality time that I spend with my partner. 

I was also able to understand why certain past relationships were complicated and difficult for me.  I thought back to one recent relationship and realized that my ex's love language was "Receiving Gifts."  So, the way he'd express his love for me was by giving me things. Now, I loooove gifts (LOL) but that was not the way to my heart. I'm a "feeler" so the material things always come secondary in my book.  As a result, while in that relationship, if we argued then he'd buy me something, take me shopping, etc.  If things were good, he'd buy me things, take me shopping, trips, etc.  It was all quite lovely, don't get me wrong, but all I really wanted was to feel the love and know that he was focused on me and the health of our relationship.  The material things could not resolve the issues and they didn't make me feel any more loved.  Ultimately, that relationship ended because our viewpoints as a whole were very different but I'm convinced now that our differences as far as love languages, and our inability to understand each other in this area, played a large role in the demise of our relationship.

So, I highly recommend you pick up this book, read it online, or even skim tips from the Internet.  Either way, it's a must read and it could save your current or future relationships!  I endorse it! :-)

- KHurly Girl

Beginning A Healthy Hair Journey- What to Buy First...

Great tips for healthy hair...Take a peek! 

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: Beginning A Healthy Hair Journey- What to Buy Firs...: "by Jarmelia of DIY Hair Care Blog Beginning the journey to healthier natural hair can be an overwhelming process. Choosing the right products..."