I Can't Live Without...

"Being able to live with it is not the same as not being able to live without it. If you can live without it, then you can let it go!"

A lot of times you hear people talk about "I can live with it" or "I can deal with it," and then at times you hear people say, "I can't live without it."  Of course the term "it" can refer to a lot of different things, from people, habits, career choices, hobbies, etc.  Personally, I'd MUCH rather say "I can't live without it" than to just say "I can live with it," especially when it comes to a serious relationship or a passion. Now, I don't want to be as literal as saying you'll fall over and die if you don't have a certain person, place or thing in your life (LOL) but if the thought of you not having that "it" in your life makes you feel empty -- then, I'd say it's something you can't live without.  When a person says they "can live with it," it comes across as something they are alright with or satisfied with, but it gives a totally different meaning.  The "it" now becomes something that is expendable.  Just a few examples of what I mean....

So, let's say it's a person that you can't live without. Again, we all know you're not going to literally drop dead if the a person isn't in your life but if the thought of them not being in your world feels devasting then this probably someone you can't live without. The loss of certain relationships can send a person spiraling into depression, eating disorders, issues with sleep, etc. Basically, it can rock your world -- and not in a good way! LOL. In my opinion, this depth of love is the type that most people should have when they enter into a marriage. You don't want to be with the man and/or woman who you're happy with and feeling alright about; you want to be with the person you can't imagine not spending your life with. The person you can't ever imagine not being able to see or talk to again because just the thought would crush your world. 

Now, let's say the "it" is a career choice or a hobby that you can't live without.  If you've ever talked to someone successful about how they got to that level of success, a lot of them will tell you that the main reason is because they loved what they were doing, they continued to push themselves further in that field, they couldn't see their lives without it, and the love that they had for it was so strong that they would do it for free.  Or maybe it's a hobby like baking -- the love of that hobby was so strong that they decided to make this hobby their daily focus and career.  Now, the hobby that they once made time for has become their life.
But there are some lines that need to be drawn also because addiction to food, drugs, people, and other things can be viewed by those individuals as something they can't live without, and that's simply not true.  Well, maybe in terms of food...Yes, we need food to live and in this case you would fall over and die without it but overconsumption is where the issue lies.  But ultimately, what we have here is a problem which I am not equipped to assess on this site...LOL.  So, if you're ADDICTED to food, drugs, people, other things -- this philosophy does not apply to you! :-)

Ultimately, we all need to take the time to look in a mirror and seriously ask ourselves -- Can I live without it or am I choosing to live with it?  You might be surprised at the answer if you're truly honest with yourself! 

- KHurly Girl

I'm Single...And My Eggs Are Aging!

So, basic biology is that females are born with a set number of eggs from birth...You don't get any more or any less, so you need to use them wisely...LOL. Second, because these same eggs are with you from birth, the sooner you use them the better off you'll be.  You know, there are expiration dates on those things! But what happens when your eggs are steadily aging and you're still SINGLE!!??  Can we say DILEMMA #1?! LOL. 

Ok, so what's the number one question asked by people when they find out that you're single? 

***Drum roll, please***

"SO, WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?!" Goooooooood question!!!  Honestly, I despise this question with a passion! LOL.  Like I have time to run down all of my past relationships and explain why they didn't work out, or why I chose to leave the relationships, or what "he" did to make me leave, or the decisions "he" made to end the relationship, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc!!  I'd rather just say, "Because I want to be," although that's really not the case either.  But, it's a lot easier just to say that!!  ;-)  But of course, people like to pry in your business and get details.  Go figure!  LOL. 

So, I took some time to think about how I could give an accurate answer to this question without divulging all of my business! The number one reason that I'm single is because I know my worth and what I will and will not stand for in a relationship.  It's not hard to meet men -- seriously, it's one or more at every corner you turn. But quality men are not as easy to meet.  Like Drake said, "how can you find out who is real when anyone will leave with you"...LOL.  I mean, I'm not chop liver over here.  I am an intelligent woman with a lot of qualities that men find appealing and I'm very confident about this statement.  I'm a girly girl but not so girly at the same time; I got that duality -- guys dig it!  haha. And apparently, I'm viewed as "wife material" because I've been engaged twice and almost a third time.  But unfortunately for those I've dated, I've ended 99.8% of all my relationships. Close family members have even called me "the runaway bride" but you have to get to the altar first to be able to run away, so that name would never stick. LOL. Some may even say that I'm a picky woman but that's simply not true either because I've dated a large spectrum of men; close friends can never tell what "my type" is, although I do have one.  So, what's the real issue here!? 

I know what I want in a man, and knowing what you want and meeting someone that fits the bill is not always simple.  I know how I expect to be treated in a relationship and I know that I offer that same treatment in return to my partner.  Is there room for error?  Of course because I'm also a very forgiving woman; I will stick with a relationship through the ups and downs to make sure that I gave it my best shot.  That can certainly be viewed as a positive and a negative though.  But my main issue is that I'm not willing to settle for something less than what I deserve.  I deserve a man that will cherish the love we build together. A man that will not take me for granted, and will work to maintain the beauty and purity of our relationship.  I deserve a man that will put our relationship on a pedastool and put in the work necessary to make me happy, as I work to make him happy.  I'm also a romantic and I look for the right chemistry in a relationship; do we have what it takes together to weather the storms because anyone can be there when everything is peaches and cream.  There also has to be a good match when it comes to our spirituality and faith in God because that is of the utmost importance to me for marriage, because if I plan to one day allow this man to lead our family we need to be on the same page. I do have this idealistic view of what I want in a relationship but the realist in me knows there has to be room for compromise and he may not be able to check EVERY box. But that is fine with me, no one is perfect but I know there is a perfect person for me out there.

It just gets really disappointing when you meet guys and see the potential only to find out not long after that it's not going to work out.  And I'm no spring chicken anymore, MY EGGS ARE AGING!! LOL. My friends think that is really funny to hear but I feel my internal clock ticking -- I'm ready for babies!!  But I refuse to rush into a relationship because of this factor; it will all happen when it's supposed to happen for me.  However, it's hard not to get caught up in the want of it all...waiting for "Prince Charming" and anticipating that ideal relationship that will outshine all the rest from your past.  It can be hard at times but I'm optimistic. I know that when the time is right, the relationship will come.  Until then, I'll continue to live the single life, date the "spectrum," pray for my ideal mate to recognize me as such, and live for today with hopes for the future.  Although, I'm still single and my eggs are AGING!! LOL. Life goes on...

- KHurly Girl

Food for the Soul

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong."

God is always with us. He hears our prayers and wants us to lean on Him. He expects us to have faith that He will deliver us from all our trials and tribulations. He wants us to hand over our struggles to Him -- "Let Go and Let God!"  He is our sense of peace, confidence, and understanding when things don't seem clear in our lives.

No one wants to be weak, so we find ways to appear strong. So in turn, we sometimes create illusions of strength, which are actually signs of weakness.  When we are truly strong, we have the courage to admit our limitations and to acknowledge our dependence on God.  As a result, true strength often looks a lot like weakness. God’s greatest power can be displayed in our biggest weakness. We at times long to “shred” memories of bad things that others have done to us or difficult circumstances we’re going through. Difficulties burden us as we mull them over in our minds, affecting our relationships and our outlook on life. We as believers in Christ have a place to take these burdens. When the apostle Paul prayed that an affliction would be taken from him, God answered, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).  Paul responded with: “When I am weak, then I am strong” (v.10). God didn’t take away the problem. Instead, He gave Paul the grace to live with it.

Toward the end of Jesus’ earthly ministry, some of His disciples were striving for positions of prominence. Jesus used their argument as an opportunity to teach them that in His kingdom things are different: greatness comes when we willingly assume positions of weakness (Matt. 20:26).  This is a hard truth. God gives enough grace for whatever we face.

Prayer: Lord, as we wrestle with the struggles and issues in our lives, please give us peace and clarity as we try to understand Your will in our lives. We understand that no problem is too large for you Almighty God. Make us aware of Your presence, Your power, and Your abundant mercy. Amen.

Love Has No Boundaries

He tests my boundaries

Sometimes steps over the line

Goes where no one else has taken the time

To go, to a place where we both feel sublime

He challenges my thoughts

Takes root in my heart

He brings me peace and serenity

Captures me fully

He embraces my soul

Let’s our love take hold

It’s inviting and comforting and peaceful here

I don’t think I could bear

The thought, of him not having a place

In my heart, I know we’ll never part

A fire blazes in the center of my mind

With an imprint of his name seemingly confined

Electricity is within me when I think of he

I and him, us and we

A complex organism evolving slowly

Engulfing all that surrounds

Permeating through the ground

We are unstoppable

Our love overcomes all

It is without boundaries that we abide

But without this love could we survive?

Copyright © 2011 Let's Parlez

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...."But You Say He's Just a Friend"

Let's just jump right into things...Why do people say a person is "just a friend?"  Or a buddy, or a homegirl/homeboy, or whatever....specifically, if that's not really the case?!  Aren't you doing yourself a grave disservice by categorizing a person that way if they truly aren't one?  Well, that is unless you're trying to cover up some dirt that you did with that person and can't tell the real story behind who they are, but that's another topic for another day...LOL.

I was recently in a situation where an associate, let's call her Jill, introduced me to a guy, let's call him Jack, whom she claimed was just a friend...#ThinkBizMarkie.  LOL.  I asked Jill about her relationship with Jack a few times; she insisted they were nothing but friends.  I asked Jack about Jill and he also insisted that they were just friends.  To make a long story short, Jack started to feel kind of friendly about me and showed a bit of interest.  So, guess what happened next?  Yup, you guessed it!!!  As it turns out, someone was fibbing a bit!  Confused yet??  I was confused too and right in the midst of a brewing situation...LOL.  Can we say -- DRAMA!!??  Needless to say, the KHurly Girl does not do drama!!  I avoid it at all costs because I like to put all my cards on the table and go from there.  To make things a bit more interesting, this same person, Jill, met a man that I once dated and it seemed like there might have been something going on there but I shut things down QUICK -- why?  Because I dated him and I don't share men I dated with friends/associates/family, etc. That's just not cool in my book.  I made it very clear to the guy and to Jill that because there was some past history there, woman code policy was in full effect.  LOL.  For those that don't know what that is, it's "if I touched him, you don't."  But I clearly had a convo with both of them and stated that if they stepped over that line then I wouldn't be interested in having a friendship anymore with either of them. Some might say this is a tad harsh but I don't care, that's how I feel.  The funniest thing about this though is that Jill tried to equate that situation to the Jack situation when they are TOTALLY different.  How do you compare "I dated him" versus "I never dated him and we're just friends?"  AND I had a convo with the both of you about it and made things clear where I stood, yet to this day, I've never had a convo with Jill about why she's really upset about it (situation with Jack) because she has not come to me and said ANYTHING about Jack to me.  Right, right...You can't!!  Ok, so back to the point of this whole ordeal...LOL.

So, now I'm left with trying to understand why Jill would say Jack was "just a friend" but then got upset when Jack got friendly with me?!  It just doesn't make sense...Well, it does make sense and that's because Jill LIED about her feelings for Jack!  Or maybe lied is a strong word, maybe she was just confused...LOL.  Either way, why am I looked at with a side eye when Jill was the one denying her feelings all along?!  I shouldn't be and that's the real issue.  I shouldn't be held accountable for reading Jill's mind when I clearly asked her what was up with Jack and she told me nothing!

Anyhow, I can't really say at this point that everyone involved is still cool with each other; well, me and Jack are still cool but Jill -- ummm, not so much.  And this my friends is where the moral of the story lies -- honesty is ALWAYS the best policy when it comes to your feelings!  Too many times people aren't in touch with their own feelings, honest with themselves, or others about how they feel.  People are not mind readers.  Communication IS KEY in ALL relationships, from friendships to marriages!  You owe it to yourself to look in the mirror, be upfront and honest with yourself first, and then with others next because in the end there will only be hurt feelings if you don't.

Word to the wise when it comes to matters of the heart, if you even THINK you could have feelings for a person then don't categorize them as "just a friend" to another person because you never know what types of feelings could develop down the line, so why get caught in the crossfire?!  Just say, I'm not sure how I feel about that person and leave it at that!  End of story.

Signing out.....KHurly Girl

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