Coincidence or Not??

<= A few weeks ago I got a fortune cookie that read this -- see pic.  Now, I didn't ponder over it too long the day I saw it but since then it's been laying on my desk at work, and the "whole coincidence or not" concept has been on my mind.  The thought itself was interesting to me because in general I'm one of those people who believe things don't really happen by chance and coincidences don't really exist -- primarily a fatalism viewpoint.  But as I pondered those 3 words on the small slip of paper from my fortune cookie, I couldn't help but to think that maybe some things are just coincidences. But as I let that thought sink in a bit, it felt almost contrary to everything I stand for and believe in, it was a totally taboo thought!! Ok, maybe that's a little extreme (LOL) but honestly, it's a challenging thought for me to grasp because at the heart of me I'm an everything-happens-for-a-reason type of chick.  Although I do understand that "there are NO coincidences" is probably also a challenge for others; I've never really sat down to discuss what "others" around me think about this topic.  Overall, it really made me start feeling like there may be some gray areas in my thought process.  So, I did some research on the topic.

When polling friends about the subject, one quoted, "Coincidences are miracles that man doesn't give God credit for." For me, this is a ridiculously powerful quote.  And for other believers in God and His role in our lives, it makes perfect sense.  But at the same time, it's a quote and an opinion.  Therefore, either you agree or you don't but it offers no scientific proof if you're one of those types of people who need "evidence."  But many scientists have developed theoretical explanations on how events happen to repeatedly coincide through the use of statistics, physics, and other postulates -- so there is some supporting evidence to go along with the idea that coincidences are very probable. Although the types of coincidences used in these scientific calculations could be very mundane and not the otherwordly experiences and happenings that I'm thinking about when I say "there are no coincidences."  On the other hand, spiritual teachers insist that there are absolutely no coincidences in the world.  Everything that occurs can be related to prior cause or association, no matter how vast or how minute and trivial.  All is affected by something related to it that is seen or unseen, cognized or unknowable.  So I'd say that it seems in essence that those who base their thoughts in spirituality always tend to lean towards -- no coincidences. And those that base their sights on scientific findings feel that coincidences are in fact a part of life.  But haven't we all had some seemingly eerie incident happen to us at one point or another in our lives that reinforced the thought that coincidences simply don't exist?  I know I have!! :-)

So, where do you stand in this debate -- Are there coincidences? Are coincidences non-existent? Or are you somewhere in the middle?  If nothing at all, it certainly makes you think.

Later!
KHurly Girl

I Am....

So, I can't believe it's been over a month since I posted on here but that seems to happen to me every so often when I get caught up in the rat race of life.  I've had so much going on lately and it's finally winding down and I had a second to breath.  So, I was thinking about why I blog in the first place and this is what I came up with...Take a look!

I am what I say I am...A thinker...A creator...A friend...A partner...A provider...A child of God...A lover of all things good...A feeler...A critic...And why is all of that relative or important?  Because all those experiences and "things" are what I build from to create my posts on this site.  This blog allows me to express myself in ways that may not always be available through other means. It allows me to be creative and to use my God given talent as a writer.  I was never trained to be a "writer" and don't really even like to think of myself as one; I'm just a young woman who loves to use her writings as a form of expression on a blog that she created. I've always loved to write short stories and other things that allowed me to be creative, and I've also always been told that I was good at it. So, why not do it as a hobby and contribute to the piece of society that finds my viewpoint to be interesting? Exactly, that's why I do it! *shrug* LOL. 

Anyhow, I was reading a post on a friend's blog the other day and that's what sparked my thoughts on how much I love to blog, and how empowering it can be to read the thoughts and opinions of others at times, from the perspective of their blog.  Most people who get online and write about their experiences, revelations, thoughts, opinions, etc. are not paid to do this and if they are they may not make much from it -- they do it because they love to do it, it's a venue for self-expression, and an outlet for the creativity that lies within them.  They do it because it feels good to tells others your "story" in whatever way you feel like expressing it. You have free reign to do and say whatever you please to captivate an audience and express whatever it is you want to say. And I JUST LOVE IT!

So, if you know of any blogs that you love to read, including this one of course (LOL), go out and tell a friend about the site -- spread the word to friends, family, and colleagues. Leave comments to support that person and/or give them constructive criticism, if you feel the need. Agree, disagree, something, and/or anything on their posts just to let them know that you came, you saw, and that you had a feeling one way or another!  As a blogger, I know it's always nice to hear SOMETHING in return and at times it helps to improve the site. Anyhow, just a few of my thoughts today....Later!  :-) 

KHurly Girl

Itchy Scalp and Skin? Look at the Preservatives

Itchy Scalp and Skin? Look at the Preservatives

"LOOOOOVE"

Just thought I'd share a little melody with you all today about L-O-V-E...We'd be nothing without the emotion attached to that 4 letter word!  See below for the smoove sounds of Musiq Soulchild singing his hit song, "Love" as well as the lyrics...Enjoy!!!  :-)

"Love" by Musiq Soulchild
[Verse 1:]
Love
So many things I've got to tell you
But I'm afraid I don't know how
Cause there's a possibility
You'll look at me differently
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change cause......

[Hook:]
Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joy and hurt
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

[Verse 2:]
Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your kiss, for your touch, for your essence (your beautiful essence)
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubt or no fears
Or no questions

[Hook:]
At first you didn't mean that much to me
But now I know that you're all I need
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
Everyday I live for you
And everything that I do I do it for you
What I say is how I feel so believe it's true
You got to know I'm true, love

Choose the Right Hair Products: Find Your Hair Porosity and Density

It's important when developing healthy hair habits to find the right products for your hair. But in finding the right products, you need to understand YOUR HAIR. This article outlines good tips for finding out the porosity and density of your hair, which in turn can aid you in buying products that are better suited for your hair type. Take a look!

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: How to Find Your Hair Porosity and Density: by Jessica Mousseau via NaturallyCurly.com

My Day Was "Adjusted"



source



So, the other day I was scheduled to attend a mandatory training session at work.  My office is located in another building that is driving distance away from where the training was being held, so I needed to make sure I left on time to be there before it started.  My morning was pretty busy that day but I was able to stop what I was doing to make it out of the office with ample time to get to the training session.  Before I left my building for the training, I decided to stop past the restroom so I wouldn’t have to go once I got there (I'm a serious water drinker...Enough said...LOL).  But with that said, I still had plenty of time to spare so it was all good.  So, I left my building, jumped in my car, and drove to the training location.  I pulled my keys out of the ignition and realized that I left my notebook sitting on the shelf in the restroom in my office building.  I checked my watch and felt like I had enough time to race back to the building, grab my notebook, and get back over to the training session.  I get to my office building, run inside to the restroom, and my notebook is sitting right where I left it.  I grabbed it, checked my watch again, and pondered for a quick second if I could make it back over to the session in time or if I should reschedule.  I determined that I would head back over to the training session, I had enough time, so why reschedule at this point after all of this running around.  I get back to the building where the training is being held, checked my watch yet another time before I hopped out of the car, and headed towards the building.  I’m about 5 minutes late according to my watch, which is very accurate I might add, so I decided that I’d rather be a little late instead of not going at all and I proceed into the building.  I step inside the building, walk towards the interior door that leads to the training room, and I’m stopped by a woman.  She tells me that the class has already begun and that the trainer is already about 10 minutes into the session and that I’ll have to reschedule.  Her timing was completely off and I was pissed but I simply said, “Ok” and walked back out of the building.

I mean, AFTER ALL OF THAT I STILL MISSED THE TRAINING ANYHOW!!  “What a blower” is all I could think…LOL.  And for a second, I was quite annoyed that I made all of that effort to attend the training and still ended up having to reschedule.  But then I started thinking about how things like this happen in life all the time.  And I realized that it’s alright, life goes on, and maybe I wasn’t supposed to be at that training session anyhow for whatever reason.  After all, I do feel that certain things in life happen for a reason.  J

So, I got to thinking…At times, even your greatest efforts do not yield the results you want.  Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be as you planned, and that’s okay.  Sometimes certain things that you feel are exactly what you want and need in your life are exactly what you DON’T need in your life.  Sometimes things that you feel are not in line with your life plan happen and you don’t agree with them, you fight against them, you choose not to embrace them, but it’s exactly what He (read: God) wants for your life.  Sometimes He will take you down roads that you’d rather not travel but it’s for your own good and should be received as a learning experience.  It’s beneficial to your overall growth and understanding, for your character building, for your soul, and ultimately for your life.  So, when things don’t go your way at times – get over the initial frustration, let the negative thoughts fade away, and embrace the positive aspects of the situation.  I know it's been a saving grace for me at times, to embrace this attitude, and I can guarantee you that about 87.925% of the time you’ll be glad you did as well! 

Until next time…

KHurly Girl

Summer's Coming to an End!!

Well, it had to happen sooner or later -- summer is officially whinding down! August is closing it's doors as of today...School is resuming across the US...It's getting cooler in the evenings...The sun is hiding itself from us a little earlier everyday...Fun in the sun is soon to be a part of the past because leaves will soon be on the ground.  It can all be sort of depressing, can't it?!  Just a little bit?!....LOL, nawwww, not really unless you've been diagnosed with Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD)!  But seriously, we go through it every year of our lives so we should be adjusted to it by now.  It's a part of life! 

But this time of year should make you think about the transitions in our lives that we deal with regularly in almost every aspect. Every year we're forced to go through the seasonal changes, not by choice but by circumstance, because that's just the way life goes and the way God created this world to be.  And as a result, it brings about periods of reflection and prompts change. Or at least it should to an extent...LOL.  This should be the time that you sit back, think about the last few months and reflect, and plan for this next phase and/or next chapter in your life. It could even be something special that forces you to focus on the transitions like a relationship, child, job, or even those 5 lbs you gained from being with that new man or woman. LOL. Whatever the reason, now is the time...Use it to your advantage!  And keep in mind that every change, transition, etc. has a beauty of it's own.  Fall, in particular, is a beautiful time of the year. All of the colors...The beginning preparation of the land for rebirth in the spring...Fall clothing!!  I mean, the clothing is enough for me, I love fall...LOL.  But I digress, haha.  Just know that this is the time of the year to use as a marker for your life -- embrace the changes of the season and apply it to your life!  I wrote another blog that was a little similar a few months back called "Life is for the Birds"...Take a look it as well if you have time!

Anyhow....So long summer, we will miss you... :-)  And remember, "It's not important where we stand, but in what direction we are headed."

Until next time!!

KHurly Girl

The Great Pretenders with Envious Eyes on the Realist

In this life, there are two types of people – the Realist and the Pretenders. 

The Pretenders walk this Earth trying to be something that they are not, imitating things that they see and people around them.  They pretend that their lives are much grander than they ultimately are.  They brag about things to make themselves feel better, when all the while they are simply insecure about themselves.  They feel that if they don’t attain a certain position in life, a certain amount of money, certain material things, or even a certain person – that life just isn’t right.  They have a hard time accepting the hand that “real life” has dealt them, so they attempt to create a surreal existence where they are untouchable to the many things that affect us all.  They TRY to present an outer “beauty” to the world but this is simply so that people don’t peer too deeply into their inner-being and see just how ugly they truly are.  They are liars, manipulators, fake “friends,” low self-esteem having, poor excuse totting members of the human race -- overall, they are misled people.  They are not afraid to attempt to derail another person that is close to them for their own personal gain or for no reason at all except pure jealousy.  They pretend that the sometimes harsh reality of life doesn’t affect them, they attempt to appear bigger and better than the experiences we all go through in life.  They don’t realize that God has put these “bumps” in our pathway so that we can grow, adapt, and change into better human beings.  In the end, the Pretenders are also the losers in this life because what they fail to realize is that things done in the dark always come to light and that eventually the “ugly” inner-being WILL show through.  Those material things that they have attained may cost a lot but they honestly hold little real value.  Their outer beauty will fade or could be taken away in an instant.  And for my Pretender women, when the weave comes out, the roots grow out, the makeup comes off, and you’re stripped of your label-whore ways and other material things – you’re just as God made you!  Which of course can't be bad; but of course maybe it isn’t too attractive either (LOL), get over it and stop being jealous of others. 

The Realist walk this Earth knowing that life isn’t perfect and that sometimes they are thrown curveballs.  They realize that they may not be where they want to be in life but until life is over, they have time to make the necessary moves to get where they want and need to be.  They don’t brag because they know that what they have is not only through their works but most importantly the result of God working in their lives.  They understand that their true value is not a representation of any material thing they may possess. They know that no matter how much money they make, it will never give them happiness or peace because that comes from within; although, this doesn’t keep them from striving to be the best person they can be or from attaining wealth.  They roll with the punches that life has dealt them.  They know that inner beauty is what keeps people in your lives and that outer beauty will certainly fade.  They value their friendships and are true friends, dependable people, and trustworthy in nature.  No, they aren’t perfect and they most certainly have made some mistakes in life but their existence is not based on pettiness or competition because they realize that their true purpose is to learn and to grow. They know that life can be challenging at times but they are not here to put others down as they move upwards, they are not even here to be concerned about what the next person is doing at all – they are here to learn from their mistakes and from others, and to teach those around them, in an effort to enlighten the masses and those intertwined with their life purpose.  In the end, the Realists are the winners in life because they choose to live in the light and seek to remove themselves from situations that reflect the dark.  Realists are true light seekers by nature because the light represents truth and purity in a world that sometimes seems corrupted by those that choose to seek darkness.   Realist women know that no amount of weave, makeup, or material things will make her a better person than anyone else – she knows that her inner-beauty and character are the true defining traits that set her apart from others.  She knows that God has defined a purpose and plan for her life and there is no reason to be jealous of anyone or anything.

Some of you have chosen to walk the path of the Pretender while others choose to be the Realist, while others walk the fine line somewhere in between.  Just know there are consequences to every action – and whether there is action or no action, there will still be a reaction!  Sleep on it and choose your path wisely…

Thanks for reading…… J

KHurly Girl

        

Keep It Moving...

I recently moved and let me tell you -- moving is one of my LEAST favorite things to do in this world!  But of course moving has it's positives also because it's a new beginning in uncharted waters.  It's a fresh start!  It's a chance to organize and/or re-organize so that you can get your home in some type of order. And in my case, I am exceedingly blessed to have had my mom by my side along the way to help me out...Ok, who am I kidding...LOL. My mom did not just "help" me out; she is the ONLY reason that I was able to pull this move off without a hitch and I am so thankful for all of her help! 

So, enough about my move...Let's get down to business!  Basically, the physical act of moving made me think about its relationship to life.  In life, there are times when you need to pack up the past in preparation for changes in your present so that you can move into the future. In order to prepare for your move, you need to dust off those pieces of "furniture" and other household items to see what exactly you want to take with you into the future and what you want to leave throw away and/or donate -- Read: PEOPLE. Next, you need to sort through the "papers and other things" to figure out what's important -- Read: ISSUES and SITUATIONS.  Then, you have to coordinate with "movers" to figure out the cost of the move and if the time you have in mind is a viable option -- Read: GOD and PRAYER.  You also need to pack up everything and prepare it to go with you on this journey into the future, making sure that you've got all of the fragile and important items sorted through and you have enough boxes to hold your things -- Read: A CLEAR MIND, FOCUS, and THE STRENGTH TO MOVE FORWARD. Each of these steps are part of your "move" and are components necessary to assess your present situation in regard to your future and it's success.  All in all, these moments are precious and extrememly important so that you can truly determine what aspects of your life need some fine tuning and what items need to be removed from your life. Think about it and take the time to prepare for that "move"...Trust me, you'll thank yourself later! ;-)

- KHurly Girl

The Space Between Monogamy and Cheating

Some would say that humans aren't monogamous creatures...and I, at times, have agreed with this point. Matter of fact, I'm sure that I not only agreed but also stated it as a fact and argued it with others as the truth! LOL. But today, my views have changed a bit. I still do believe that humans have to make a conscious effort to be with one person in a monogamous relationship. But at the same time, I feel that we are programmed to want to couple with another person. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that monogamy is more than a temporary "coupling," which is why I still think that it's a constant, conscious effort to be in a monogamous relationship and not as natural as some might believe.

Then there are some people who will argue that women are more monogamous because we carry the offspring for 9 months, so our bodies aren't meant to be with multiple men. While on the other hand, men could theoretically produce a few children each day with multiple women well into their golden years. This could very well be scientific proof to explain why we aren't built to be monogamous creatures but I'll save that as a topic for another day....LOL

This article, The Space Between Monogamy and Cheating Love & Sex GalTime, explores the reality in relationships that sometimes there isn't a clear line between monogamy and cheating. Sometimes people build strong relationships around a certain "middle ground," although the concept is often frowned upon for various reasons. Read it for yourself and you decide! Then, ask yourself -- are humans really monogamous creatures or are we just "pretending" to enjoy being with one person? What do YOU think?

- KHurly Girl

The Five Love Languages -- Which One Are You?

If you've ever felt like your mate wasn't expressing their love to you the way you needed to hear/feel it or the way that they expressed their love for you was different than your own...I may have the solution to your problem!  Take a look at the book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. It is a wonderful book, an easy read, and could prove to be an important staple in your relationship!

This book outlines the five primary emotional love languages that each person speaks.  Very often, when we speak our primary love language, we're confused when our partner does not understand what we are communicating because it comes across as foreign to them.  This book helps you to discover your primary love language as well as your partners so that you can apply certain ideas to improve your relationship.

The five love languages are: 1.) Words of Affirmation, 2.) Quality Time, 3.) Receiving Gifts, 4.) Acts of Service, and 5.) Physical Touch.  Now, I'm not going to give you too much detail on the five languages, so please take a look for yourself.  But I will tell you that after reading the book, I discovered that my primary love language was "Quality Time." It was obvious to me that this has always been key in my relationships and the thing that I complain about the most if I'm not receiving enough of it.  I also discovered that I had a secondary love language which is "Physical Touch" because affection and intimacy are very important to me during the quality time that I spend with my partner. 

I was also able to understand why certain past relationships were complicated and difficult for me.  I thought back to one recent relationship and realized that my ex's love language was "Receiving Gifts."  So, the way he'd express his love for me was by giving me things. Now, I loooove gifts (LOL) but that was not the way to my heart. I'm a "feeler" so the material things always come secondary in my book.  As a result, while in that relationship, if we argued then he'd buy me something, take me shopping, etc.  If things were good, he'd buy me things, take me shopping, trips, etc.  It was all quite lovely, don't get me wrong, but all I really wanted was to feel the love and know that he was focused on me and the health of our relationship.  The material things could not resolve the issues and they didn't make me feel any more loved.  Ultimately, that relationship ended because our viewpoints as a whole were very different but I'm convinced now that our differences as far as love languages, and our inability to understand each other in this area, played a large role in the demise of our relationship.

So, I highly recommend you pick up this book, read it online, or even skim tips from the Internet.  Either way, it's a must read and it could save your current or future relationships!  I endorse it! :-)

- KHurly Girl

Beginning A Healthy Hair Journey- What to Buy First...

Great tips for healthy hair...Take a peek! 

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: Beginning A Healthy Hair Journey- What to Buy Firs...: "by Jarmelia of DIY Hair Care Blog Beginning the journey to healthier natural hair can be an overwhelming process. Choosing the right products..."

Organic Shea Moisture: Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie Review

<= Khurly Girl endorses this product...It's a must have! You can find it in Target, Walgreen's and I believe WalMart. You've been told... :-)

Organic Shea Moisture: Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie Review

It's Been Way Too Long...

Where has the time gone??  It's been two whole months since my last post and that is way too long to have been away!  I've missed my blog!

Well, let's see....Work has been consuming...Relationships can at times encompass a lot of your free time....Giving back to the community needs it's fair share....Then there are friends, social events, extracurricular activities, family time, errands, travel, etc....Basically, LIFE sometimes gets in the way of our hobbies. I have strayed and I seriously need to do a better job of managing my time so that life doesn't get in the way of expressing myself on Let's Parlez. I love this blog and I want to make sure that I dedicate my time to it so that it grows and blossoms! 

I will make a better effort moving forward!!...I promise. <3

- KHurly Girl 

Life is For the Birds

Have you ever thought about the phrase, "life is for the birds?" Yeah, well me either...LOL.  That is until the other day when this scenario came to mind.  The phrase itself actually has a negative connotation.  It means that life is meaningless, objectionable or worthless but this of course is certainly not the case.  But I used this title anyway because the idea of birds as they relate to life is the whole point of this article, as confusing as that may sound. LOL. So anyhow, I was outdoors getting in some exercise and I looked up to watch a bird flying above me.  While watching the bird I thought about how it takes flight, all the effort that is put into flapping it's wings to propel itself forward, and then it stops flapping and stabilizes itself...At this point, the bird gives it's control over to the wind and to it's momentum -- soaring for a bit.  It's almost like they take a break to catch their breath and then continue in flight once again to put in more effort.  This cycle continues repeatedly until they reach their destination.  AND THIS MY FRIENDS IS HOW YOU SHOULD LIVE YOUR LIFE!

Life is always changing and reinventing itself as your experiences mold you.  And in life there are plenty of goals that you set for yourself along the way as you move through these experiences and life changes.  But to reach those goals you need to push hard and put all of your effort into reaching certain points along the way.  Then, after you've pushed and pushed there comes a time when you just need to take a break and let God take over.  At this point you can assess where your effort has taken you and even redirect your route, if necessary.  But you also need to allow yourself to glide a bit so that you can recognize all that you've accomplished and see the fruits of your labor.  Then once again, push forward to reach that next goal.  You continue this cycle until it's all over, and in over I mean death, because you will never run out of goals to set and achieve.  Life has plenty to offer when it comes to achievements, small and large, you just need to set your sight on the one's that you want to accomplish.

So, think about it...Are you putting in the necessary effort to reach your goals?  If not, try living your life like the birds!

Tootles,
KHurly Girl

Back to Business

So, it's been a while since my last post.  I took a vacation, both literally and figuratively. I needed the time to regroup and refocus.  I was beginning to allow myself to be weighed down by everything going on in my life...And you know EVERYTHING goes on in your life at once -- creating high stress levels and excessive pressure on yourself...But NOW, I'm back and in full effect and feeling quite lovely about it!! <= Yeeeeea, me! (I'm looking refreshed, right!?) LOL.

Not to mention, I just had a birthday and I needed the time away for reflection.  I needed to focus my thoughts on the progression of my life, my love life, and in general as far as reaching my goals for the future.  And you know what!?  Thinking about all that mess is a freakin headache sometimes! LOL. I mean, I know it's necessary to an extent but the thoughts can really get out of control if you let them.  Sometimes we just do too much planning, not enough living and enjoying, too much pressure, not enough faith, and basically just let life control us instead of grabbing life by the horns and learning how to take that bull down as we roll with each punch that is dealt!  I've always been a "go-with-the-flow" type of person but even I have to reign in my thoughts at times because it's easy to pressure yourself and force timelines into your mind that may not be feasible.

So, as I embark on this next year of my life...I choose to live more, enjoy the simple things in life more, plan less and be more spontaneous, love harder than I have in the past, reflect more, pray and meditate more, continue to live a life without regrets, give more of my time and money to those less fortunate, continue to not sweat the small stuff, not only reach my goals but exceed them, drink less (LOL), spend more time with loved ones, and continue to live a life that I'm proud of!  This is MY life and I choose to be the best me that I can be -- today and always! ;-)

KHurly Girl

I Can't Live Without...

"Being able to live with it is not the same as not being able to live without it. If you can live without it, then you can let it go!"

A lot of times you hear people talk about "I can live with it" or "I can deal with it," and then at times you hear people say, "I can't live without it."  Of course the term "it" can refer to a lot of different things, from people, habits, career choices, hobbies, etc.  Personally, I'd MUCH rather say "I can't live without it" than to just say "I can live with it," especially when it comes to a serious relationship or a passion. Now, I don't want to be as literal as saying you'll fall over and die if you don't have a certain person, place or thing in your life (LOL) but if the thought of you not having that "it" in your life makes you feel empty -- then, I'd say it's something you can't live without.  When a person says they "can live with it," it comes across as something they are alright with or satisfied with, but it gives a totally different meaning.  The "it" now becomes something that is expendable.  Just a few examples of what I mean....

So, let's say it's a person that you can't live without. Again, we all know you're not going to literally drop dead if the a person isn't in your life but if the thought of them not being in your world feels devasting then this probably someone you can't live without. The loss of certain relationships can send a person spiraling into depression, eating disorders, issues with sleep, etc. Basically, it can rock your world -- and not in a good way! LOL. In my opinion, this depth of love is the type that most people should have when they enter into a marriage. You don't want to be with the man and/or woman who you're happy with and feeling alright about; you want to be with the person you can't imagine not spending your life with. The person you can't ever imagine not being able to see or talk to again because just the thought would crush your world. 

Now, let's say the "it" is a career choice or a hobby that you can't live without.  If you've ever talked to someone successful about how they got to that level of success, a lot of them will tell you that the main reason is because they loved what they were doing, they continued to push themselves further in that field, they couldn't see their lives without it, and the love that they had for it was so strong that they would do it for free.  Or maybe it's a hobby like baking -- the love of that hobby was so strong that they decided to make this hobby their daily focus and career.  Now, the hobby that they once made time for has become their life.
But there are some lines that need to be drawn also because addiction to food, drugs, people, and other things can be viewed by those individuals as something they can't live without, and that's simply not true.  Well, maybe in terms of food...Yes, we need food to live and in this case you would fall over and die without it but overconsumption is where the issue lies.  But ultimately, what we have here is a problem which I am not equipped to assess on this site...LOL.  So, if you're ADDICTED to food, drugs, people, other things -- this philosophy does not apply to you! :-)

Ultimately, we all need to take the time to look in a mirror and seriously ask ourselves -- Can I live without it or am I choosing to live with it?  You might be surprised at the answer if you're truly honest with yourself! 

- KHurly Girl

I'm Single...And My Eggs Are Aging!

So, basic biology is that females are born with a set number of eggs from birth...You don't get any more or any less, so you need to use them wisely...LOL. Second, because these same eggs are with you from birth, the sooner you use them the better off you'll be.  You know, there are expiration dates on those things! But what happens when your eggs are steadily aging and you're still SINGLE!!??  Can we say DILEMMA #1?! LOL. 

Ok, so what's the number one question asked by people when they find out that you're single? 

***Drum roll, please***

"SO, WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?!" Goooooooood question!!!  Honestly, I despise this question with a passion! LOL.  Like I have time to run down all of my past relationships and explain why they didn't work out, or why I chose to leave the relationships, or what "he" did to make me leave, or the decisions "he" made to end the relationship, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc, etc!!  I'd rather just say, "Because I want to be," although that's really not the case either.  But, it's a lot easier just to say that!!  ;-)  But of course, people like to pry in your business and get details.  Go figure!  LOL. 

So, I took some time to think about how I could give an accurate answer to this question without divulging all of my business! The number one reason that I'm single is because I know my worth and what I will and will not stand for in a relationship.  It's not hard to meet men -- seriously, it's one or more at every corner you turn. But quality men are not as easy to meet.  Like Drake said, "how can you find out who is real when anyone will leave with you"...LOL.  I mean, I'm not chop liver over here.  I am an intelligent woman with a lot of qualities that men find appealing and I'm very confident about this statement.  I'm a girly girl but not so girly at the same time; I got that duality -- guys dig it!  haha. And apparently, I'm viewed as "wife material" because I've been engaged twice and almost a third time.  But unfortunately for those I've dated, I've ended 99.8% of all my relationships. Close family members have even called me "the runaway bride" but you have to get to the altar first to be able to run away, so that name would never stick. LOL. Some may even say that I'm a picky woman but that's simply not true either because I've dated a large spectrum of men; close friends can never tell what "my type" is, although I do have one.  So, what's the real issue here!? 

I know what I want in a man, and knowing what you want and meeting someone that fits the bill is not always simple.  I know how I expect to be treated in a relationship and I know that I offer that same treatment in return to my partner.  Is there room for error?  Of course because I'm also a very forgiving woman; I will stick with a relationship through the ups and downs to make sure that I gave it my best shot.  That can certainly be viewed as a positive and a negative though.  But my main issue is that I'm not willing to settle for something less than what I deserve.  I deserve a man that will cherish the love we build together. A man that will not take me for granted, and will work to maintain the beauty and purity of our relationship.  I deserve a man that will put our relationship on a pedastool and put in the work necessary to make me happy, as I work to make him happy.  I'm also a romantic and I look for the right chemistry in a relationship; do we have what it takes together to weather the storms because anyone can be there when everything is peaches and cream.  There also has to be a good match when it comes to our spirituality and faith in God because that is of the utmost importance to me for marriage, because if I plan to one day allow this man to lead our family we need to be on the same page. I do have this idealistic view of what I want in a relationship but the realist in me knows there has to be room for compromise and he may not be able to check EVERY box. But that is fine with me, no one is perfect but I know there is a perfect person for me out there.

It just gets really disappointing when you meet guys and see the potential only to find out not long after that it's not going to work out.  And I'm no spring chicken anymore, MY EGGS ARE AGING!! LOL. My friends think that is really funny to hear but I feel my internal clock ticking -- I'm ready for babies!!  But I refuse to rush into a relationship because of this factor; it will all happen when it's supposed to happen for me.  However, it's hard not to get caught up in the want of it all...waiting for "Prince Charming" and anticipating that ideal relationship that will outshine all the rest from your past.  It can be hard at times but I'm optimistic. I know that when the time is right, the relationship will come.  Until then, I'll continue to live the single life, date the "spectrum," pray for my ideal mate to recognize me as such, and live for today with hopes for the future.  Although, I'm still single and my eggs are AGING!! LOL. Life goes on...

- KHurly Girl

Food for the Soul

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong."

God is always with us. He hears our prayers and wants us to lean on Him. He expects us to have faith that He will deliver us from all our trials and tribulations. He wants us to hand over our struggles to Him -- "Let Go and Let God!"  He is our sense of peace, confidence, and understanding when things don't seem clear in our lives.

No one wants to be weak, so we find ways to appear strong. So in turn, we sometimes create illusions of strength, which are actually signs of weakness.  When we are truly strong, we have the courage to admit our limitations and to acknowledge our dependence on God.  As a result, true strength often looks a lot like weakness. God’s greatest power can be displayed in our biggest weakness. We at times long to “shred” memories of bad things that others have done to us or difficult circumstances we’re going through. Difficulties burden us as we mull them over in our minds, affecting our relationships and our outlook on life. We as believers in Christ have a place to take these burdens. When the apostle Paul prayed that an affliction would be taken from him, God answered, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9).  Paul responded with: “When I am weak, then I am strong” (v.10). God didn’t take away the problem. Instead, He gave Paul the grace to live with it.

Toward the end of Jesus’ earthly ministry, some of His disciples were striving for positions of prominence. Jesus used their argument as an opportunity to teach them that in His kingdom things are different: greatness comes when we willingly assume positions of weakness (Matt. 20:26).  This is a hard truth. God gives enough grace for whatever we face.

Prayer: Lord, as we wrestle with the struggles and issues in our lives, please give us peace and clarity as we try to understand Your will in our lives. We understand that no problem is too large for you Almighty God. Make us aware of Your presence, Your power, and Your abundant mercy. Amen.

Love Has No Boundaries

He tests my boundaries

Sometimes steps over the line

Goes where no one else has taken the time

To go, to a place where we both feel sublime

He challenges my thoughts

Takes root in my heart

He brings me peace and serenity

Captures me fully

He embraces my soul

Let’s our love take hold

It’s inviting and comforting and peaceful here

I don’t think I could bear

The thought, of him not having a place

In my heart, I know we’ll never part

A fire blazes in the center of my mind

With an imprint of his name seemingly confined

Electricity is within me when I think of he

I and him, us and we

A complex organism evolving slowly

Engulfing all that surrounds

Permeating through the ground

We are unstoppable

Our love overcomes all

It is without boundaries that we abide

But without this love could we survive?

Copyright © 2011 Let's Parlez

Breaking Through: 6 Stages to Personal Freedom

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: Self- Concept Thursday!: "Breaking Through: 6 Stages to Personal Freedom by GG of Peace, Love, and Pretty Things  'Self-awareness is not what we think about ours..."

Hair Product Review: Oyin Handmade “Juices & Berries” Leave-In Conditioner

Hair Product Review: Oyin Handmade “Juices & Berries” Leave-In Conditioner

...."But You Say He's Just a Friend"

Let's just jump right into things...Why do people say a person is "just a friend?"  Or a buddy, or a homegirl/homeboy, or whatever....specifically, if that's not really the case?!  Aren't you doing yourself a grave disservice by categorizing a person that way if they truly aren't one?  Well, that is unless you're trying to cover up some dirt that you did with that person and can't tell the real story behind who they are, but that's another topic for another day...LOL.

I was recently in a situation where an associate, let's call her Jill, introduced me to a guy, let's call him Jack, whom she claimed was just a friend...#ThinkBizMarkie.  LOL.  I asked Jill about her relationship with Jack a few times; she insisted they were nothing but friends.  I asked Jack about Jill and he also insisted that they were just friends.  To make a long story short, Jack started to feel kind of friendly about me and showed a bit of interest.  So, guess what happened next?  Yup, you guessed it!!!  As it turns out, someone was fibbing a bit!  Confused yet??  I was confused too and right in the midst of a brewing situation...LOL.  Can we say -- DRAMA!!??  Needless to say, the KHurly Girl does not do drama!!  I avoid it at all costs because I like to put all my cards on the table and go from there.  To make things a bit more interesting, this same person, Jill, met a man that I once dated and it seemed like there might have been something going on there but I shut things down QUICK -- why?  Because I dated him and I don't share men I dated with friends/associates/family, etc. That's just not cool in my book.  I made it very clear to the guy and to Jill that because there was some past history there, woman code policy was in full effect.  LOL.  For those that don't know what that is, it's "if I touched him, you don't."  But I clearly had a convo with both of them and stated that if they stepped over that line then I wouldn't be interested in having a friendship anymore with either of them. Some might say this is a tad harsh but I don't care, that's how I feel.  The funniest thing about this though is that Jill tried to equate that situation to the Jack situation when they are TOTALLY different.  How do you compare "I dated him" versus "I never dated him and we're just friends?"  AND I had a convo with the both of you about it and made things clear where I stood, yet to this day, I've never had a convo with Jill about why she's really upset about it (situation with Jack) because she has not come to me and said ANYTHING about Jack to me.  Right, right...You can't!!  Ok, so back to the point of this whole ordeal...LOL.

So, now I'm left with trying to understand why Jill would say Jack was "just a friend" but then got upset when Jack got friendly with me?!  It just doesn't make sense...Well, it does make sense and that's because Jill LIED about her feelings for Jack!  Or maybe lied is a strong word, maybe she was just confused...LOL.  Either way, why am I looked at with a side eye when Jill was the one denying her feelings all along?!  I shouldn't be and that's the real issue.  I shouldn't be held accountable for reading Jill's mind when I clearly asked her what was up with Jack and she told me nothing!

Anyhow, I can't really say at this point that everyone involved is still cool with each other; well, me and Jack are still cool but Jill -- ummm, not so much.  And this my friends is where the moral of the story lies -- honesty is ALWAYS the best policy when it comes to your feelings!  Too many times people aren't in touch with their own feelings, honest with themselves, or others about how they feel.  People are not mind readers.  Communication IS KEY in ALL relationships, from friendships to marriages!  You owe it to yourself to look in the mirror, be upfront and honest with yourself first, and then with others next because in the end there will only be hurt feelings if you don't.

Word to the wise when it comes to matters of the heart, if you even THINK you could have feelings for a person then don't categorize them as "just a friend" to another person because you never know what types of feelings could develop down the line, so why get caught in the crossfire?!  Just say, I'm not sure how I feel about that person and leave it at that!  End of story.

Signing out.....KHurly Girl

The First Step To Finding Your Passion: Reconnect With Yourself & Lower The Emotional Stakes

The Moptop Maven.com | The First Step To Finding Your Passion - Reconnect With Yourself & Lower The Emotional Stakes: "One of the main reasons we tend to get disappointed when trying to carve out our life path is because the stakes are too high emotionally...."

Healthly Hair Tip of the Week: Flaxseed

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: KinkyShea's Health and Fitness Tip of the Week: "Super Food of the Week: Flaxseed With an abundance of heart healthy omega-3 fatty acids, the warm , earth and subtle nutty flavor of fla..."

LOL, LMBO, HA HA HA, ROTFLMBO...

 Today, I went out with friends for lunch.  It was pretty impromptu; nothing planned out. It wasn't even a group of people that I'd normally get together -- an old friend, a "new-er" friend and the "new-er" friend's boyfriend.  But let me tell you, it was one of the best lunch group outings that I've been to in a looooong time!! Why you ask?!  Well, I'll tell you...LOL.  Because the laughter NEVER stopped!  We laughed about everything....And when I say everything, I do mean everything!  From joking with the waitress, to stories amongst ourselves, cracking jokes on each other, etc, etc. It just went on and on and on...LOL.

Now, I'm the type of person who loves to joke around a lot and have a good laugh whenever possible, and I probably use "LOL" and "LMBO" way too much when typing (notice above, twice already!), and I generally just love to enjoy myself in whatever setting I'm in.  But when you're with a group of friends that you generally care about and you are able to share good laughs, it just puts you in the best mood! 

Of course, there are also scientific reasons for why laughter on a regular basis is beneficial...Laughter helps release enzymes and hormones that are helpful for the normal functioning of various organs, as well as enhances the body to release natural antihistamines. It also activates T-cells, a natural antibiotic produced in the body, and helps boost the immune system and fight infections. Laughter also reduces the levels of certain hormones, which helps relieve stress, depression, anxiety, grief, anger and irritation. It also decreases pain by releasing endorphins, and improves our attentiveness, pulse and heart rate. Laughing has also proven beneficial for the people suffering from hypertension because it helps lower the blood pressure to normal.  Laughter is also a good overall workout for respiratory, abdominal, leg, back and facial muscles; and it tones intestinal functioning, massages abdominal organs and strengthens abdominal muscles. And for those trying to slim down, laughter also helps burn calories and is beneficial for weight loss!!  Now if that isn't a reason to laugh, I don't know what is...LOL. Laughter also offers psychological health benefits such as boosts to your self-confidence and mental strength to cope with conflicts and challenges in life. It also helps people end anxiety and depression. Socially, laughing enhances our ability to connect with others and makes us more energized and increases our interest in daily activities. 

But of course you probably know a few people who just can't let loose; they don't know what it feels like to just enjoy life and laugh over something, anything, nothing...Honestly, I feel sorry for them and their insides...Can you imagine?!  Ugh! LOL.  Anyhow, so maybe that was way more than you needed to know about the benefits of laughter (LOL) but I really just wanted to stress how important it is in your daily life to LAUGH! 

  

So smile, enjoy your time with friends and family, laugh at those corny jokes, laugh at yourself, and learn how to not take things so seriously....Life is too short and laughter feeds the soul!  Hopefully your soul isn't growling for laughter like an empty stomach does for food...LOL. Corny joke? Maybe... :-)

Quote of the day: "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter" ~ E.E. Cummings

I Really Know How it Feels to be Stressed Out....

Let's time travel back to early 2005 for a second...(picture this) I'm in my first semester of grad school.  Things aren't going very well with my first few classes because I am working full-time and learning how to balance my time between school, relationship, work, and other social activities. I'm nervous that my company won't reimburse my tuition if I don't receive a B or higher in my courses.  I am completely stressed out!!  The next thing I know, I'm experiencing chest pains...So bad that it felt like I could have been experiencing a heart attack.  After a few episodes of this, I drag myself to an emergency room.  I have x-rays done, EKGs, sent to a cardiologist for assessment, another EKG and stress tests.  What do they determine from all of these tests?  Basically, nothing...Well, accept for the fact that the chest pains are unexplained, not a heart issue, and likely due to my high stress levels. This was a serious wake up call for me!  I vowed from this point on to learn to deal with my stress better. 

My situation was an extreme wakeup call for me but there are others who aren't so lucky when health related issues rear their head as a result of stress. Stress can cause aches/pains, dizziness and nausea, chest pain and a rapid heartbeat, loss of your sex drive, increase/decrease in your appetite, loss of sleep, isolation, use of drugs, alcohol and other substances, moodiness and irritability, memory problems, racing thoughts, depression, nervous habits, and the list goes on and on.  I mean, who doesn't know what it feels like to deal with stress?!  It's a natural part of life but how we cope with it is what makes the real difference.  You may not recognize the signs of stress but it's necessary to incorporate habits into your lifestyle that combat your daily stresses.

One of my favorite ways of de-stressing is to turn my music up really loud and sing my heart out...LOL.  Now, this may not work for everyone but it's a great stress reliever for me.  I also love to dance so I'll make time to hang out with friends for a night on the town or just stand infront of my bedroom mirror and shake what my momma gave me...LMBO.  Either way, dancing is also a wonderful stress reliever.  I also like to release my stress through other forms of exercise like cardio and a great sex session.  Ok, so sex may not be a viable "form of exercise" but if you're putting in work then it can be...and it also promotes the release of hormones that are natural stress relievers. All great benefits!! LOL.  ;-)  I also like to take a nice hot bath or shower because it seems to help wash all your cares away for the moment and puts my mind at ease.  Sometimes hanging out with friends, either just getting in a few laughs or actually talking about the source of your stress is helpful as well.  There is nothing like a good laugh with great friends!  It's also always good to have a support system and people you can talk to about things that are bothering you; keeping it in does more harm than good.  And I do have to admit that at times a drink, preferably a glass of wine for the extra health benefits, can be a girl's bestfriend at the end of a stressful day.  Oh, and I can't forget the massages and/or pedicure to relax my mind -- it leaves you feeling so peaceful.  Of course there are a ton of other ways to relieve stress but those are just a few things I like to incorporate into my regular routine. 

What do you do to cope with your daily stress?  If you're not doing anything, you may want to consider a new plan of attack...Just know that the more you stress, the harder it is to shut off and it can lead to serious health problems down the road.  I share because I care, people..... :-)

KHurly Girl

Top Foods for Healthy Hair

Ok, so a lot of people think that healthy hair comes from a bottle or as a product of having a good stylist (or your own healthy styling routine) but that’s only partially true. Healthy hair is dependent on what you put on your hair and how you treat your hair (i.e., styling methods) but it is also important to pay attention to what you put in your body as well. A healthy diet will help you grow stronger and healthier cells throughout your entire body, including your hair. But there are some limitations. For example, if you have fine hair then you’ll likely never have thick strands growing from your scalp – no matter what you use on your hair or what you eat, that's just genetics.  But the benefits of a well-balanced diet will likely include good amounts of iron and can promote protein growth which can make a difference.

There are even hair growth promoting products and vitamins that claim to increase the healthiness or length of your hair. I’ve even taken a few of them myself. LOL. But ultimately, these are purely vitamin enriched products and/or multi-vitamins that are just giving you the normal nutrients your hair needs on a regular basis anyway. But be careful because anything in excess can have adverse effects and vitamins are no different.

So, here are a few foods that you can incorporate into your diet to help promote healthy hair.

# 1: Salmon - When it comes to foods that pack a beauty punch, it's hard to beat salmon. Loaded with omega-3 fatty acids, this high-quality protein source is also filled with vitamin B-12 and iron, and is needed to support scalp health.  A deficiency can result in a dry scalp and dull hair.  You can also add 1-2 tbsp of ground flaxseed in your daily diet for some plant-based omega-3 fats.

# 2: Dark Green Vegetables - Spinach, like broccoli and Swiss chard, is an excellent source of vitamins A and C, which your body needs to produce sebum which is the oily substance secreted by your hair follicles, and is the body's natural hair conditioner.  Dark green vegetables also provide iron and calcium.

# 3: Beans - Legumes like kidney beans and lentils should be an important part of your hair-care diet. Not only do they provide plentiful protein to promote hair growth, but ample iron, zinc, and biotin. Biotin deficiencies can also result in brittle hair in rare instances.  It is recommended that you get 3+ cups of lentils or beans each week.

# 4: Nuts - Certain types of nuts such as brazil nuts and walnuts provide selenium (an important mineral for the health of your scalp) and alpha-linolenic acid (an omega-3 fatty acid that may help condition your hair). Cashews, pecans, and almonds are also great sources of zinc. A zinc deficiency can lead to hair shedding.

# 5: Poultry - Chickens and turkeys provide a high-quality protein. Deficiencies in protein can lead to one can weak brittle hair and can result in loss of hair color. Poultry also provides iron with a high degree of bioavailability, meaning your body can easily reap its benefits.

# 6: Eggs - Eggs are one of the best protein sources you can find. They also contain biotin and vitamin B-12, which are important beauty nutrients.

# 7: Whole Grains - Whole grains such as whole-wheat bread and fortified whole-grain breakfast cereals can be helpful in providing healthy dose of zinc, iron, and B vitamins.

# 8: Oysters - Oysters provide a healthy amount of zinc, a powerful antioxidant, in addition to being an aphrodisiac.  But if oysters isn't your thing, you can also get a good dose of zinc from beef and lamb.

# 9: Low-Fat Dairy Products - Products like skim milk and yogurt are great sources of calcium, an important mineral for hair growth. They also contain whey and casein, two high-quality protein sources.  You can even boost their benefits by stirring in a couple of tablespoons of ground flaxseeds or walnuts for omega-3 fatty acids and zinc.

# 10: Carrots - Carrots are an excellent source of vitamin A, which promotes a healthy scalp along with good vision.

So, hurry up and make that grocery list!! Healthy hair is just a Safeway, Giant, Shoppers, Whole Foods, Kroger, Mars, SuperFresh, Food Lion, Wegmans........Ok, ok, you get the point!  Happy shopping!

KHurly Girl

He/She Loves Me...He/She Loves Me Not

Ok, so as a child/teen we played a game called “He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not.” Anyone remember it?! Hopefully, I’m not the only one…LOL. Anyhow, the purpose of the game was to determine whether the object of your affection felt the same way about you or not. So, to refresh your memory a bit -- you’d pick a flower and for each petal that you’d pick off of the flower you’d say “He (or she) loves me” and then alternate with “He (or she) loves me not”…I’m guessing more little girls played this game than boys but you get the point! :-) So when you get to the very last petal, whatever phrase you are on at this point, represents the truth as far as the love (or not) that your object of affection has for you.

Now, why did I rehash this game and the rules behind it? Well, as adults we sometimes struggle with understanding the actions of another person and whether or not their actions constitute love for us. Some would say that if you have to wonder then it’s probably not love and a lot of times I’d have to agree. And when I say love, I mean being in love and not just loving someone. ‘Love’ versus ‘in love’ is a whole other ballgame…LOL. But if you’re still in question, here are a few points to keep in mind that might help you determine if someone is truly in love with you:

• He/she shows interest in your life – He/she asks about your day, family, friends and work; He/she tries to remember whatever you say and do.

Think about it: If he/she shows no interest in the things that encompass your life and fill your day, how could he/she possibly love you? Those things are part of who you are.

• He/she knows exactly what makes you smile, feel special and taken care of.

Think about it: If he/she is selfish and only cares about themselves, then how could they possibly love you? And knowing what makes you smile/feel special/taken care of is not a one-time thing or something that happens only around holidays or other special moments, it should be regularly expressed.

• He/she is very affectionate, attentive, sensitive, considerate, and cares about your needs, wants and desires.

Think about it: Again, this is selfishness at its best. If your mate is only concerned with what you’ve giving in this department and how you address their needs but they never take your needs into consideration -- how can this be love?

• He/she calls (texts or emails) you just because he/she was thinking about you, misses you, or just felt like it.

Think about it: Anyone who has ever experienced love knows that a special person in your life begins to permeate your thoughts on a regular basis. You think of them constantly. Sometimes it’s not always feasible to reach out during the day and let that person know that you’re thinking of them but like most things, if there is a will then there is a way.

• He/she wants to spend as much time with you as is possible. He/she clears up their busy schedule and makes plans just for you.

Think about it: If he/she is always putting others ahead of you (i.e., friends, family, work, etc.) or never making time in their schedule to be with you, how can they possibly love you? Building a loving relationship requires time with that person!

• He/she walks that special extra mile just for you. He/she shares your interests even if he/she doesn't like what you like, puts aside what they could be doing just to talk, listen or do something for you instead.

Think about it: Is it really love if your mate constantly says to you, I don’t like this or that, so I’m not interested in doing it with you or talking about it? Is it really love if they can’t take the time sometimes to talk to you or just listen to how you feel? Probably not.

• He/she tells you how wonderful you make him/her feel and how having you in his/her life enriches it.

Think about it: This is self-explanatory. A person who loves you will express to you in words or actions, and hopefully both, how you make them feel and how special you are to them.

• He/she does small unexpected things to pleasantly surprise you.

Think about it: He/she will send an email message, show up at your workplace, get you something you always wanted, leave a note on the refrigerator, something, anything, etc. LOL. A person that loves you will go out of their way to show you – point blank!

• He/she loves and enjoys being physically close to you.

Think about it: Scientists have shown that the amount of body contact (physical touch) is vital to a person’s mental and physical development as an infant and our happiness as adults. So, if you love your partner – you’d want physical contact with them. Although, this should not be confused with sex; intimacy and sexual contact are also both important for most people in terms of expressing their love. But that’s another topic for another day…LOL

• He/she gives without being asked and accepts from you with gratitude.

Think about it: A person who truly loves you doesn’t need an excuse to give to you. They don’t expect anything in return but gratitude and appreciation from you. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't hold what they did for you over your head and would not play tit-for-tat games!

• He/she wants a future with you in it. He/she doesn’t just talk about it but they also start planning for it.

Think about it: A person who loves you will want to be with you for the long haul. Even if the relationship never makes it there, their intentions are clear – they want a future with you, can see themselves with you in the future, and/or plan for you to be a part of their future.

• He/she tells you he/she loves you.

Think about it: If your partner can’t say those three little words, then it’s not love. A person who loves you will shout it from the rooftops and they won’t care what anyone thinks about it. Point blank!

• You just know it – no doubting, no questioning, no wondering, no convincing or trying to make him/her love you and no strings attached. You look into his/her eyes and you know it. Something inside of you just knows.

Think about it: This is clear as the driven snow because it’s purely based on how you feel but at the same time it is one of the most subjective points due to it being based on your opinion and judgment. The heart sometimes wants what the heart wants and it blurs your judgment. So, pleeeease be careful with this one! LOL

Now....Hopefully this list helped a few of you out there!! But please note that this list is not comprehensive, only you know what feels right in your relationship. As always, communication is paramount for the success of any relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re receiving what you should from your mate, talk to them and express how you’re feeling. If you don’t see any progress towards what has been discussed after you’ve talked to them about your feelings, then it is time to truly evaluate or re-evaluate why you’re in a relationship with a person that does not love you. End of story! :-)

KHurly Girl